I want to text him in November and ask how his mother is doing.
If he has things, hes thankful for.
By
Updated 5 years ago,November 19, 2019
Its always hard this time of year.
Daria Shevtsova
November is a strange time when the holidays kick in, and the temperatures drop.
You find yourself inside more.
You find yourself alone with your thoughts more.
I find myself wanting to text him more in November than any other month.
Something about the leaves changing, something about the end of the year as it sets in.
November, there are just reminders of change.
Another year passing, and hes not here.
Another year passing, and Im still thinking about him.
My family asks at Thanksgiving why Im still not married, again.
They ask if Im seeing someone.
I already have my excuses lined up, ready to roll out without a second thought.
How it would feel to say I had him by my side to spend forever with.
or How did you know you were in love?
That our memories are still so vivid in my mind.
I have to remind myself of every good excuse in the book on why we dont work.
Those excuses also appear without a second thought.
They, too, are second nature by now.
Now that Im just a memory instead of someone hes still making memories with.
I want to text him in November and ask how his mother is doing.
If he has things, hes thankful for.
Yet even as I start typing the message, its a mistake.
There is nothing I could say that would make things the way they used to be.
Because if he wanted to be here, then we both know he would be.
No amount of holiday nostalgia moves him the way it does me.
