I thought it was normal.
At least, my college years were simpler because social media had not taken over.
My friends and I were not documenting everything we did, we enjoyed things as they happened.
Kinga Cichewicz
I was growing and confused, I knew better but I ate my feelings.
Since an early age, I was always scared of the future and the unknown.
I was worried about what would happen next.
Then he would be home and I remember thinking- well that was a pointless worry.
I always panicked before an exam, and once it was done, I felt fine.
I thought it was normal.
I hated the word ruminating.
I was always so cautious and paranoid, but my life motto was safety first.
I made lists of everything, and double and triple checked everything all the time.
OCD central is what some people called me.
My fear of uncertainty and the unknown started to manifest in other areas of my life.
I left everyone before they had a chance to leave me.
I was scared of abandonment.
My exes thought I was selfish.
I questioned every job I ever had.
I could not find satisfaction in anything, I always felt like something was missing.
I was scared of failure.
I have anxiety and I hate it.
People think I am melodramatic when I struggle with making it through the day without freaking out.
I bike almost every day praying that someday this anxiety leaves me and I am able to relax.
Biking away from my anxiety as I like to call it but it always catches up.
Sometimes it is so hard.
I tell myself this too shall pass and it does, but it comes back.
Having to explain this to them is exhausting.
It is draining on my soul.
(And I am okay with that).
