I am scared of good things because good things do not last.
If I post about being depressed, theres a retweet.
Theres a nodding head.
If I write about the good things, someone says I am lucky.
Someone says I have been dealt a good card.
Someone reads my positivity and waits for the avalanche.
For the good to decay.
Maybe this is all me.
Maybe I am obsessed with thinking people think about me when Im not even a passing thought.
Maybe this is my toxic combo of self-loathing and narcissism.
(Yes, gentle viewers, thats a thing!)
I am scared of good things because good things do not last.
And I know this.
And I am trying to make peace with it.
I do yoga, or whatever.
I imagine someone making fun of the fact that I just said, I do yoga.
Bad makes sense to me.
Bad feels more human.
Good followed by good followed by more good is foreign.
How do I process it?
And am I ungrateful for being scared?
Why me?is a sentence I think a lot.
But I think it about the good.
When people hand me golden apples and Im not sure I even deserve a seed.
I am scared of good things because I dont want to celebrate without my dad.
I dont want to admit life can still be good if hes not here.
