I couldnt help but gawk asking why on earth she had these up on Instagram.
This is my finsta, dummy!
After accepting my follow, I went home that night and scrolled tirelessly through her profile.
Photo byKatka PavlickovaonUnsplash
What I found left me unnerved.
Wed been working together during all this time.
I had no idea any of it was happening.
She and I havent talked much since leaving the company we worked for.
She follows my finsta too.
At first, the content of my finsta was relatively mild.
Mostly just silly selfies or blowing off steam after dealing with a rude customer.
The first was a kind stranger I met at a party.
From there, a flamboyant Frenchman I know exclusively from playing on Minecraft servers with.
Dually, I too found myself posting in a far more candid manner.
And as that headspace became increasingly dark, this routine became a necessary ritual.
Its retreat became a lifeline.
My finsta, however, is free.
My phone is near always in reach.
Something I quickly noticed upon analyzing the finsta is the qualitative homogeneity within its culture.
Profiles could easily be mixed up if the viewer lacks a body of context for the account holder.
This may be unintentional, but the reason why this occurs is far from inexplicable.
Psychotherapy research reports the benefits of familiar environments in achieving emotional release from patients.
What is otherwise far too overwhelming in our day to day becomes approachable through a shift in surroundings.
In this way, logging into my finsta is much like walking into a clinic.
A stress ball on the table, a calming light, a velvet chair.
A funny screenshot, an ironic username, a fake profile picture.
These instantly recognizable attributes give form to spaces with clearly delineated purposes.
Most of us are unable to achieve great emotional breakthroughs without such a structure.
Its why we seek out help to begin with.
Let me start by saying that I am not here to diminish the role of the therapist.
But let me reiterate: I cannot afford expertise.
This sentiment of the empathetic ear is well documented pre-Instagram (just ask any bartender).
A certain threshold of anonymity has always been paramount to these modes of self-exposure.
This same intimacy incognito is essential to the finsta experience.
The answer is typically, no.
Im not posting there to talk to them.
Im posting to be seen by them.
There is a noteworthy phenomenon regarding the leaving of a therapists office.
Not that this is a bad thing.
Its what therapy is for.
This is to say, we contain multitudesthere is no finsta without the rinsta.
Saying or not saying what?
This is why spaces where we can explore the comprehensive individual are more vital now than ever.
It bears my soul in code.
What more could one ask for from therapy?
After posting, it does feel weird to hop back onto my main.
The facade becomes so apparent.
I know that the person who runs both is more sure of himself than hes ever been.
And if I need to vent, cry, laugh, or scream, Im always one account away.
