I’ll never forget the words you said to me.
“What happened to you, you used to love me.”
I began to choose myself.
God and Man
That’s what happened to me.
All relationships tend to start out with hope, love, happiness, and attraction.
We started out happy.
We started out with joy in our hearts and hope in our eyes.
We started our with happiness too.
There was something so real and special about our love.
God and Man
I thought, this was it.
All that hunting and searching had finally comes to an end.
This is what all the heartbreak had been for.
And I was determined with every fibre of my being to make it work.
I would put my pride second to my love, I promised myself.
I would double-check we never went to bed angry.
I would do everything I could to make you happy.
Unfortunately what I did not realise was the love that I had thought was elixir would turn toxic.
We were happy for a few years.
And then suddenly, it all soured and you began to show me who you truly were.
Your pride would always come first in an argument.
For years I tried to make it work.
I tried to understand why you were cruel.
Why you brought up my trauma every time we argued as a mean to taunt me.
I convinced myself that everyone left the house after every argument, that most people left things unresolved.
And then you did the unforgivable during one argument.
That settled everything in my head.
My decision to leave was made the minute your fist connected with my skin.
So I stood my ground.
Even when you threatened to hit me again.
I chose my self respect, and I used it as a shield.
I calmly refused you over and over again.
Ill never forget the words you said to me.
What happened to you, you used to love me.
I began to choose myself.
Thats what happened to me.
I realised I was worth more than what you were giving me.
I recognised people do not hit each other in relationships.
I recognised how you were gaslighting and using my trauma against me.
I began to believe in myself.
I chose my self respect over you.
I chose my self respect that day.I chose myself.
And I will keep choosing myself, no matter how much guilt you throw my way.
No matter how much you take a stab at convince me I am not good enough for anyone else.
I am better than the toxic love you tried to give me.
I am better than the physical and emotional abuse you put me through.
Even if you dont believe it, I do.
Because today and everyday I will choose my self respect.
Today and everyday, I will choose ME.
