Because it wasn’t just bad.
He broke me to a point where I hope I never see that version of myself again.
But hating him wouldnt have made it easier.The truth is it wasnt just him I had to forgive.
Thought.is
I had to forgive myself for choosing someone who wasnt reciprocating all I had to give.
I had to forgive myself for choosing someone who hurt me.
Because it wasnt just bad.
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I forgave him because I still love him.
And people wonder how can you love someone who doesnt treat you the way you deserve?
How do you love someone who is only half good most the time?
The other half of the time they arent kind.
They dont keep their word.
They let you down time and time again.
But you still love them.
You love them for their good moments.
Even with the wrong love we learn.
I forgave him because I know hes human.
No one is perfect.
We all mess up.
We all hurt one another sometimes.
Because the worst sides of him didnt even compare to him at his best.
So I took the bad stuff all of it with a grain of salt.
I forgave him for my own peace of mind.
Hating someone I loved with all my heart would have hurt me more.
I understand that hatred and anger are really masked pain.
I wouldnt have gained anything being angry at him.
So I chose not to be.
I chose to feel every bit of pain fully until I didnt have to anymore.
I forgave him because I missed him.
Its hard to just forget someone who gave you so much to remember.
The truth was, in the time we didnt speak, I thought about him often.
I missed the little things like the time spent together and the conversations throughout the day.
I missed someone knowing me better than I knew myself.
Someone helping me to learn and grow.
Itd be impossible to not miss someone like that.
It was in him I found a second self.
You cant just forget something that deep.
I forgave him because everyone deserves a second chance.
Maybe we needed time apart.
Maybe we needed to learn by ourselves before we could ever come back into each others lives.
But I believe in giving people chances until they prove you right.
And the truth is, I never doubted him.
I forgave him because he forgave me too.
When relationships go wrong you cant just put the blame on one person.
Just as it takes two people to maintain a relationship, it takes two people to end one.
And it wasnt just me who needed to forgive him.
I needed him to forgive me too.
Maybe I put too much pressure on him.
Maybe I relied on him too heavily.
Maybe it was me pushing him away.
I forgave him for everything he did right.
I can come up with a list of everything he did wrong.
But that doesnt even compare to all the things he did right him my life.
Despite the headaches and the drama and fights, there still isnt anyone who can make me laugh harder.
I loved him with everything I had in me.
And I cant regret that.
I cant just push that away and pretend that didnt happen.
If I told you I hated him Id be lying.
And maybe it didnt work out the way I would have liked it too.
Because life is about the love we find along the way, in others and in ourselves.
