Snitches get stitches is always something we joke about when someone knows something youve done.
This, however, was the real deal.
I just thought he was this goofy, kind-hearted ginger that I worked with that made me laugh.
Photo byKinga CichewiczonUnsplash
He looked at me and said, I was arrested for gang activity.
He wasnt too keen on the idea of telling me quite yet, which I understood.
I was nervous, yet very intrigued by this person.
He was such a mystery to me and I wanted more.
We were so into each other.
It definitely made the days go by quicker.
His demeanor changed instantly when I asked.
He went from joking around about a giant sweatshirt to being serious and almost intimidating.
He stepped away from me and said, I have hurt a lot of people.
One nearly died because of me.
The cops surrounded me and I was arrested.
I wasnt there for long, but Ive been in the gang since I was 15 years old.
Snitches get stitches is always something we joke about when someone knows something youve done.
This, however, was the real deal.
What was it about him that intrigued me so much?
He didnt scare me.
He always treated me like a princess and made me feel so beautiful and good.
That I made him see the light for the first time.
I just remember the way he would look at me.
He saw me like I was a goddess, and I loved that.
I had to be a secret.
His meetings really interrupted our relationship and our time together.
It was a life I had never lived before.
It wasnt long into the relationship that I started using drugs myself.
I think I was caught up in the carefree lifestyle that he led.
Even though I knew how bad it was, it was like I couldnt help myself from trying it.
So much that it became a problem in itself.
I wasnt afraid to be with himat first, anyways.
I wasnt part of the gang, meaning I couldnt be with one of their members.
I knew better, so why was I here?
I received the call around midnight.
What the fuck did you tell people?
he demanded over the phone.
I choked out angrily, although I was terrified, even in my current state of mind.
They wanted to kill me.
I have always heard on the shows I watch that gangs always know where you are.
If you have information on them, they will always know your whereabouts in case you slip up.
It wasnt long before someone had found out where I lived.
For two weeks, someone would come to my apartment and have a go at come in around midnight.
I called the cops one morning at 4 a.m. because that person was back at my door.
Eventually it stopped happening.
No one came to my apartment that wasnt invited after that.
But I didnt learn my lesson.
I am not someone you would look at and think was involved with anything of this manner.
I was so angry all the time.
Little things would set me off and make me want to find a distraction to ease my mind.
The motel was so gross and you could hear people talking about drugs in the room next door.
We found out at six weeks and I became an even bigger mess.
But we had just called it off before finding out.
He did mention the baby to his friends, though.
I was fearful of this.
I was disgusted with that comment.
How could someone who loved me and protected me even think someone like that was a funny comment?
For those who wondered, I didnt have the baby.
I didnt get an abortion, and he didnt beat me senselessI miscarried and was devastated.
I had lost my first baby, someone I thought cared for me, and I was lost.
I was doing drugs, drinking a lot, and always finding ways to destroy my life slowly.
It was my fault,I knew it.
We ended things because he knew I would never willingly join the gang, but it was too late.
I was already affiliated with a dangerous, large gang in the metro area where I live.
Bad boys are not worth it.
You deserve to be with someone who will protect you and keep you out of harms way.
Charm means nothing when your life depends on it.
