On August 13, 2016, my life changed forever.
Actually, my life began.
Only nine months prior, I had just gotten out of my fifth treatment center.
Karl Fredrickson
And now, finally, I was truly happy.
By
Updated 8 years ago,June 6, 2017
I was in a dark place.
The punch in of place that makes you believe you might actually have died and went to hell.
I felt the jot down of pain that you wouldnt wish on your worst enemy.
I was completely lifeless, numb.
A dead girl walking.
Karl Fredrickson
I had no hope.
I hadnt felt hope in so long that I doubted the existence of it all together.
And while we are on the subject of doubt, my belief in God was basically non-existent.
One day I was driving home from my twice-weekly therapy appointments.
I could hardly be alone at the time for more than a few minutes without completely self-destructing.
As I drove home my dark spiraling thoughts completely consumed every inch of me.
I knew it was going to be bad.
I was overwhelmed with thoughts of self-harm, starving myself, and even suicide.
I would be lucky to make it out the evening alive.
I flipped through trying to find a station to land on when something caught my attention.
Come on out to Greenville Ohio, EUM church tonight to experience the start of Revive Ohio.
But ONLY, so I wouldnt have to spend the evening isolated and alone.
I went to the service that evening, and long story short; I HATED IT.
I felt uncomfortable, out of place, and even more hopeless than before.
People welcomed me in with open arms, but it all felt so wrong.
I swore I would NEVER go back or step foot in that place again.
And yet, the next day came and I found myself driving to that stupid church again.
I dont know why, I truly dont.
I did not want to go, it was the last place I wanted to be.
He wanted to bring me home.
And thats exactly what He did.
I got to the church and was standing in the evening service.
It was the beginning and they started out with a video.
The video caught my attention when a man appeared on the screen.
It was one of the cameramen.
The other staff members were asking him questions.
I wasnt sold, but I was curious.
I too, struggled with addiction, however mine was to food and the lack thereof rather than drugs.
Same hell, different substance I suppose.
I became restless as we stood to worship.
I couldnt focus on the music, my surroundings, or anything.
All I could focus on was this strong undeniable urge to find that man and talk to him.
He was probably videotaping the service, or hidden away somewhere in a staff only room.
I continued to stand there, thoughts racing.
I thought to myself.
I slowly brought my gaze up from the floor and thats when I saw it.
When I saw him.
Standing there, just feet away from me.
Oh shit I thought.
Now I have to talk to him.
What were the odds that hed be out here?
But I did know I couldnt pass this opportunity up.
I slowly and timidly approached him.
He then paused and said to me Wait, are you saved?
Define saved, was my exact response.
I was stubborn, and resistant, and I thought I deserved to be miserable.
Besides, their savior couldnt save a wretch like me.
There was no way.
After hours of resistance a third staff member was brought to the table.
He challenged me, hard.
The service ended and so did our time together.
Now before I go on, I must make something clear.
This was the only night.
Little did she know, she was about to meet me just 24 hours later.
I was doubtful, skeptical, and unsure.
I had no idea what to expect.
But they politely ignored me and got things started instead.
The man asked me If you could hear Gods voice, would you believe in Him?
I thought for a second, and humorously replied sure.
I thought I would play along even though I knew nothing would happen.
The next part of the story is all a blur.
For the life of me I cannot remember the details.
All I know is I spoke to God, and he talked right back.
I asked him questions, and I heard an audible voice respond.
I felt his arms around me.
I felt him there down to my innermost core.
I felt love, and healing.
And then he asked the question.
Do you accept Jesus as your Lord and savior?
With a weep I exclaimed, yes!
In that moment, I swear to you everything changed.
It was like a shock went straight through me and suddenly every weight was lifted from my shoulders.
This next part I will never forget.
Now my tears turned to laughter.
They both looked at me curiously.
For the life of me, I cannot tell you why I packed those clothes.
I believed the whole idea of being saved was as phony as it could get.
There was no one left under my shell of a human being to save, or so I thought.
Boy, was I wrong.
I was baptized that night in front of hundreds of people.
August 13, 2016, my life changed forever.
Actually, my life began.
Or perhaps, born for the first time.
Because I had been dead inside for as long as I could remember.
And yet in an instant.
I had never felt more alive.
Now I didnt reach full healing instantly.
But the healing I have experienced has happened at an unfathomable speed.
The bang out of healing that can only be explained by God.
Nine months ago, I had just gotten out of my fifth treatment center.
I was emaciated, starving myself, cutting myself, and making myself throw up.
I was depressed, anxious, and suicidal.
Today, nine months later, I am about to declare myself fully recovered from all of that.
I am happy, truly truly happy.
