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Updated 7 years ago,December 4, 2017
I want to bemature.
I want to take the high road.
I want to forget about you.
Unsplash / Joyce Huis
More than that, I want toforgiveyou.
I want to accept what youve done and move on from the memory of you.
Unfortunately, that is impossible for me.
I cant get over it.
When I think about you, I want to scream.
I want to curse you out.
Unsplash / Joyce Huis
I want to make you see what youve done to me.
I want to tear apart your world the way youve torn apart mine.
When I think of you, my thoughts are the darkest they have ever been.
When I think of you, the claws come out.
Maybe the hatred Im holding onto isnt entirely unhealthy.
Maybe it will act as a reminder to never settle for that kind of treatment again.
To stay away from people like you.
To avoidbecomingsomeone like you.
Maybe this grudge will remind me to be more careful about who I let into my life.
Maybe it will help me spot red flags early enough to run.
Maybe it will save me from suffering through pain for a second round.
Its going to take growth.
Im not there yet, and Im not going to feel bad about that.
Im not going to apologize for being pissed about having my heart trampled.
Im not going to feel guilty about pushing someone away whotreated me like shit.
You cant blame me for that.
You cant blame me for having feelings.
For getting upset when my world is flipped upside down.
My reaction was natural.
I am not going to let other people trick me into forgiving you.
When I forgive you, it should be authentic.
It should happen during my own time, when Im really ready.
Right now, Im not ready at all.
Right now, there is no possible way I am going to sit in the same room as you.
Or accept your friend requests.
Right now, I cant imagine forgiving you for the countless ways you have hurt me.
I cant imagine letting this pain go.
But one day, maybe Ill change my mind about you.
One day, maybe you will be a different person.
One day, maybe you will earn my forgiveness.
And not tomorrow, either.
