Cant you see the fire?
Cant you smell the smoke?
Oversized t-shirt, no bra, black lace hip-hugging panties, and my favorite fuzzy socks.
BYONELOVE
I waited for midnight to come.
I have a head full of stormy nights and black clouds.
I am so alone.
I have a heart that is far too heavy to carry.
I still fantasize about single-edge razor blades.
I have strained relationships with my family.
Four and a half beers in.
You sly beautiful thief, but there you are, holding it captive.
Tell me how it feels in that sexy palm of yours.
The way you look makes me lose my train of my thought.
Oh, yes, tell me how that part of my vital muscle feels.
Does it flutter when you finally think enough of me to bother to call?
Is it enough to let you in on the things your voice does to other parts of my body?
Is it cold to the touch and weighted on the days you disappear?
Has it told you how I ache for you?
I lay awake at night cursing you because thered be no getting it back even with hostage negotiations.
I knew the moment I saw you waiting for me at that hotel bar that youd be an addiction.
That night, I had never wanted anything more than for you to put hands on me.
I didnt give a fuck that it felt like you could be the death of me.
It made me want to run towards you and collide into you.
Fuck it if it meant I was getting lost and drowning in your mouth.
I remember feeling like I was burning white hot from the inside out.
I had to keep on taking sips of my iced water.
It wasnt the wasabi.
It wasnt the sake.
Dont you see me setting off flares for you to come and find me?
Look at what you started.
You said you felt something real and that you knew I felt it too.
Well, where the fuck are you?
I think Ive gone completely mental.
I think maybe I made you up.
I touch myself and give a shot to think of anyone else, but I cant.
Its you making me wet, its your fingers and your tongue I think about when I masturbate.
Saturday night I danced, let some stranger come up behind me and grind on me.
For a couple of songs, I imagined you were him.
I pushed him when I turned around because I wasnt being greeted by your smile or your eyes.
What Im saying is that Ive come to realize I dont want anybody that isnt you.
I dream about you.
I dream about going away alone with you.
I have this thing for hotel rooms.
You kiss me and suck on my skin like it was a sugar cube.
Even in my dreams, I beg you to tear into me.
I beg you to consume me down to the bone.
I feel every supernova in every galaxy inside me watching you lick your lips clean.
I dream about you painting my back in shades of red and in shades of pink.
I wake up panting.
My hair on the back of my neck sticky and sweaty.
Some nights I wake up calling out your name.
Would it be too forward to tell you I want to hold it in my mouth forever?
I dream about a house.
I dream about a kitchen with an island counter where I leave you little love notes each morning.
The wine rack is always full.
The wine glasses are always overflowing.
Theres always tea in the pantry.
It always smells like something is baking and like espresso.
I dream about a nightstand where I leave you poems.
Im always leaving books on the coffee table but you never mind.
On Saturday mornings, the music is always on low.
I sing while I make you breakfast, still feeling the things you made me feel years ago.
When you wake up, the first thing you always say ishi beautiful.
I cant keep dreaming about you.
I cant keep thinking about you like this.
I dont want to.
You make me feel so special one day then leave me to wonder who I am to you.
Sometimes it feels like the answer isnobody.
Nothing has stung like this in a long time.
Im stuck somewhere between wanting to block your number and wanting to pick up the phone to call you.
Im stuck somewhere between wanting to fuck you until your head goes numb and wanting to slap you.
I am feeling way too much for you and Im afraid of it.
It takes all the strength I have to admit this, but I think I fell for you.
Undoing this shouldve been my only wish.
I have fallen for you and I kind of hate you for it.
