I fell in love with the fall, and with him, all at once.
And I knew right then and there that I was never going to fall back down.
By
Updated 8 years ago,July 30, 2017
I was seventeen.
Benjamin Combs
I had never experienced real love before.
And nothing could have prepared me for the storm that would eventually brew inside my chest.
He walked into my life in the summertime.
August, to be exact.
He watched my shows and told me I didnt mess up, even when I did.
I watched his shows and told him he was amazing (because he never ever messed up).
Benjamin Combs
I was a free spirit and he was a genius.
I wasnt good at math or chemistry, and everything came incredibly naturally to him.
I guess I came naturally for him, too.
I fell in love with him in the fall.
When the wind picked up and I threw away my flip flops for cozy brown boots.
It happened when we carved pumpkins together and shared a kiss on his doorstep.
Id never been kissed like that.
I miss the smell of it.
The smell of jumping into leaf piles and then laughing about how unsanitary it was.
I miss walking through town, with rain falling around us.
I miss when all he could see was me.
And when all I could see was him.
I miss those moments.
Those brand new moments that feel like heaven.
The ones that never fade from your mind, because they were so damn perfect.
I guess I never thought it would end.
I never thought hed stop.
I love the fall.
You get to start over.
To be someone else.
And I miss loving him through the seasons as they changed and twisted around us.
I miss loving him when the world was dark, but we were light.
And no matter which ways our universes turned, our love always remained the same.
After all this time.
I wish I had the heart to scratch it out.
As I sit here now, Im hot and sweaty from cleaning my apartment.
I keep telling everyone Im excited for fall.
I need that fresh air.
I need that breeze and the rusty leaves.
I need to feel brand new.
But a little part of me is terrified that its going to make me miss you.
And I cant handle missing you for one more day.
I cant handle that bench and the air when I dont have you to run to.
Its been oh so long.
When is my heart going to change as easily as the weather?
When am I going to feel anything else but missing you?
