I can’t wait around for you anymore.
By
Updated 8 months ago,September 5, 2024
I cant wait around for you anymore.
Even as I say it, it feels like a lie.
Kinga Cichewicz
It feels like a lie because of how long I actually have waited around.
Ive done my best to make it so easy for you to come back.
Weve shared our secrets and laid ourselves out bare in front of the other.
You created every kind of reckless feeling Ive ever experienced, and I didnt mind at all.
When you have someone who makes you feel that way, you never want them to leave.
You want that feeling always to be present until you cant help but cave into it.
Yet, youve always seemed to walk away before either of us could entirely do that.
Youve had your reasons, I know.
You have things youve needed to work through.
Tragedies I dont know the name of.
Stories you have felt you cant tell me.
I also know youve never meant to hurt me, not really.
You should know that doesnt change the fact that there has been confusion.
There has been pain.
There have been a million what ifs and maybe I should haves rattling around my brain.
I think when its all said and done, Ive just wanted you to want me.
Its always been you.
I know that now.
And Ive held on for weeks, months, even years, waiting for that day.
Its become clear now that I do have to let us go now, though.
Not because I want to.
Not because suddenly every feeling Ive ever had about you has been erased.
But because the pain has become too much to carry anymore.
And theres absolutely no hope that youll ever come back to relieve me of it.
You should know, I understand you dont owe me anything.
I know that holding you to any kind of expectation that I created in my head is my fault.
I understand youre not responsible for fixing my problems or making my dreams a reality.
Not when you dont want to.
Not when youve convinced yourself, for whatever reason, that you just cant be.
I miss you, and you should probably know that.
I think there will always be a part of me that does.
But I cant wait for you anymore.
I cant pretend that Im doing anything to help myself here.
I know that from time to time, youll still think of me.
I like to think my memory is tucked away inside your mind somewhere.
Its the one small hope I will even allow myself to hold onto.
Ill still miss you from time to time, wishing that things could have turned out differently.
Wishing we had found a way back to each other instead of ways to fall apart.
Yet now, I have to stop making up excuses on why you havent tried to fight for me.
Why we arent together when we could be.
I have to wrap up the door now.
I cant keep reaching out and feeling the sting of rejection when I dont hear back from you.
I have to walk away because it just hurts too much.
So hey, know that I miss you.
And I cant wait around anymore, hoping that someone is you.
