I allow myself to breathe in the memory before exhaling as fast as I possibly can.

Thinking of you is a slippery slope.

Other days I try and find reasons to hate you and fail.

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Thinking that eventually the feelings will wear away, will find their way away from me.

I am human, and humans can have many mates.

That I was wrong in thinking you were the only one.

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There are pieces of us strewn in everything I do.

And sometimes, I think the pain will never end.

But here is what I believe, about losing the great love of your life.

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I believe people, for no reason sometimes, can become toxic for each other.

I believe that love sometimes can be a terrible thing that does not allow you to grow.

I believe that love sometimes hides the truth about the person you love.

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And I genuinely believe that self love is the most powerful love of them all.

And although I am suffering now.

Although I am in pain, and I miss you terribly.

I know that ending the forever story that was us was the right decision to make.

Leaving you has made me love myself more.

Has taught me how to care for myself in ways I never imagined.

This is me, saying I will always miss you.

This is also me saying, I never ever want you back.

Nikita Gill is a poet and the author of the bookYour Soul Is A River.