By
Updated 8 years ago,October 13, 2017
I hate how much I care.
I hate how Ioverthinkevery little thing.
Things that no one else would evennotice, let alone dwell on for hours at a time.
God & Man
I hate how sensitive I am.
I hate how I have no control over my thoughts or emotions.
How I can break into tears the second I leave a roomful of people and am alone again.
Of course, no one has any idea howsoftmy heart is.
They think I can handle anything that is said to me.
They think that hard times roll right off of my back.
God & Man
They think that I am crafted of stone with an impenetrable core.
They think I am much stronger than I feel, because I cover up my true emotions.
I pretend that I couldnt care less about what other people think.
I act like nothing bothers me.
I make jokes about my pain to cover up how much I have been suffering.
But I am a master of playing pretend.
I have learned how to fake smiles until evenIswear they are real.
Whenever I meet someone new, someone I can imagine a future alongside, I hold myself back.
I act like I am the one who cares less.
I break my own heart before someone else has the chance to do it for me.
I use sarcasm and mean names to show affection.
I rarely tell anyone how much I love them.
I assume that they know.
I assume that I dont have to say the words aloud.
I dont want anyone to see how vulnerable I am and take advantage of the fact.
I dont want anyone to realize that they have the power to hurt me.
But mostly, I pretend I am strong, because I wish it were the truth.
I wish I were more like the person that everyone else sees, the person that doesnt actually exist.
