I will act heartless for protect myself.

I will use sarcasm as a defense mechanism.

I will push people away when they hover too close.

A woman who doesn’t care

Unsplash / Hai Phung

I will act like someone means nothing to me when they secretly mean the world.

Because they are happy with who they are and have no desire to change.

I am not like that at all.

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I care too much.

I care about the way I look when I leave the house.

I care about what people say behind my back and in front of my face.

A woman who doesn’t care

Unsplash / Hai Phung

I care about the way I present myself on social media.

I care about my appearance.

I care about how much money I make.

I care about how many friends I have.

I like to pretend I dont give a fuck.

I will act heartless so you can protect myself.

I will use sarcasm as a defense mechanism.

I will push people away when they hover too close.

I will act like someone means nothing to me when they secretly mean the world.

Its hard for me to keep my walls up high.

Its hard for me to play pretend for such a long time.

Eventually, I will crack.

I will become clingy.

I will make my desire to c’mon every person I meet obvious.

Now, there are more things to worry about than before.

Whether my career is advancing.

Whether my friends keep in touch.

Whether my apartment is clean.

Whether my coworkers respect me.

I care now more than ever.

However, I am trying my hardest to care less.

I am trying to leave the house without obsessing over whether my hair looks okay.

I am trying to hold conversations withoutoverthinkingwhat I should say to impress the other person.

But it is difficult.

There has always been a part of me desperate to be liked.

The one thing I am getting better at ispretendingthings dont bother me.

When someone looks at me funny or makes a snide comment, I will not cause a scene.

I will laugh it off.

I will ignore it.

I will not let them see they have caused a ripple in my world.

I will replay what they said on a loop inside my mind.

I will feel lingering embarrassment.

I wont be able to forget it.

I wish I was the kind of person who gavezero fucks but I do.

I care more than I would ever admit aloud.