Im weeding out every last bit of you.
My garden will no longer be contaminated by your abuse, your lies, your harsh words.
Yes, Ive said that before, but this time, its a promise.
Grant Ritchie
Its taken me a long time to get here.
I had to learn who I am without you.
Im not entirely sure who I am without you anymore.
I spent so long being yours, my entire identity revolved around you.
Im weeding out every last bit of you.
My garden will no longer be contaminated by your abuse, your lies, your harsh words.
Im speaking light into myself; Im growing the most beautiful flowers into my soul.
Im taking care of myself.
Im watering and nourishing myself.
Im letting Mother Nature turn me into the beautiful being I was put on this earth to be.
Your anger will no longer consume me.
I no longer get sick to my stomach leaving work, wondering which version of you Ill get tonight.
Im owning my scars, both physical and emotional.
Im learning to love again.
Im learning to lovemyselfagain.
Because you never realized you forgot how to.
You didnt realize at some point you became so wrapped up in him that he was everything that mattered.
Im not talking face masks and painting my nails.
I wish I could tell you what you meant to me now.
I wish you could grasp how dramatically, helplessly, pathetically I was in love with you.
Its something you wont ever understand until you feel it.
Maybe youve felt it before.
Maybe she broke your heart so horribly you didnt think youd recover.
Whatever the reasons for your actions, it was cruel, heartless, and unforgivable.
I promise not to ever be like you.
I promise not to play with an innocent heart the way you did.
Ill take your abuse and raise you kindness.
Ill raise you growth; Ill raise you love.
Because thats all I want to bring into the world anymore.
I want you to know that this really is the end.
Ive finally reached my breaking point.
I want you to know I didnt think I could live without you.
The thought of being on this earth and not being yours destroys me.
I need you to know I still love and care about you with every inch of me.
I still crave your presence at night, and I still break in the mornings when reality hits.
I still want to beg you to change, but I know it wont ever make a difference.
I know its time to give up.
So with a few days left in 2019, this is my last and final goodbye.
2020, just be gentle.
