I’m ready for you to be my past.
And it hurts my heart to write it.
It hurts my heart to even fathom it.
Raw Pixels
But I think you realized it way before I did.
I know youre smarter and wiser and all that shit.
But, it took me awhile to learn.
It took me awhile to realize that I cant have communication with you.
Because its bad for my health and my mind and my self esteem.
I cant do it anymore.
So, we cant be friends.
Not after everything we have been through.
You were the first man I ever loved.
At the age of seventeen, you were my world.
I had never known a love that strong.
I had never known anyone as beautiful as you.
But there you were.
There you were loving me.
There you were always comforting me.
Always loving me despite my faults and all of my flaws.
You were a boy and I was a girl.
We were so young.
Our love was so much greater than our age.
Our love was so much greater than what anyone else thought.
Our love was fucking real.
I remember the day you told me on Skype that you wanted to be in an open relationship.
After three years of being together.
After two years of being long distance.
I remember you breaking my heart.
I cant be your acquaintance.
I cant be your friend.
I cant be the one you go to when you have questions about a girlfriend.
I cant be there for you when you want sex or when you feel lonely.
It hurts so badly.
Because Ill always have a place for you in my heart.
Maybe it will always be a fact about my heart.
Maybe youll always be stuck with me like glue.
But I cant be friends with you.
Im going on dates.
I have an amazing career.
I write songs and still play guitar.
I still love chocolate and pasta and french fries.
You did not break me.
You just wounded me.
And Im ok now.
I think I always will.
But, we cant be friends.
Dont ask me questions about whether or not you should break up with your girlfriend.
Dont send me emoji faces.
Dont send me anything.
And I wont send you anything either.
Im ready for you to be my past.
I am done letting you dictate my love life.
But right now, I need to let you go.
For the sake of myself.
For the love of me.
