If you were still alive, I wouldn’t be as skeptical, as pessimistic.
I wouldn’t push people away as soon as they got close out of fear of being abandoned.
If you were still alive, I wouldnt have these horrible memories rattling through my head.
Twenty20 / @criene
I wouldnt have the image of my family breaking down in tears burned into my brain.
If you were still alive, I wouldnt have reminders of your death scattered around my room.
I wouldnt have your prayer card tucked inside of my wallet.
If you were still alive, I would be a much better person.
If you were still alive, I wouldnt have done so much stupid shit to find closure.
I wouldnt have spent so much money on alcohol to push you out of my mind.
Twenty20 / @criene
I wouldnt have taken my anger out on people who didnt deserve it.
I wouldnt have screamed and screeched and sobbed.
If you were still alive, I wouldnt be as skeptical, as pessimistic.
I wouldnt push people away as soon as they got close out of fear of being abandoned.
If you were still alive, I wouldnt question my religion as much as I do now.
I wouldnt fear death.
I wouldnt wonder what comes after.
I wouldnt question if there is even a point to all this, if my life is ultimately meaningless.
If you were still alive, I wouldnt be so mad at the world.
I wouldnt think of it as an unfair, unforgivable place.
I wouldnt hate everything and everyone as much as I do right now.
If you were still alive, I wouldnt expect the worst in every situation.
I wouldnt assume that pain would follow me wherever I went.
I wouldnt have such an unhealthy, negative mindset.
If you were still alive, I wouldnt feel so alone.
I wouldnt claim that no one cares about me.
I wouldnt assume that no one else could possibly understand what Ive been through.
That Im not a bad person.
That your death has helped me grow.
That it has shaped me into a stronger, well-rounded person.
A person that youre proud to call family.
A person that you love and miss and wish would stop being so fucking hard on herself.
