I can’t help this chemical imbalance.
I can’t make it go away.
So it’s true, I’d be a completely different person without my anxiety.
Yoann Boyer
I’d be brighter and shinier, like brand new shoes from DSW.
I’d be so vibrant.
By
Updated 8 years ago,July 24, 2017
Its true.
Id be a little bit less dark.
A little less negative.
A lot less pessimistic.
Yoann Boyer
A lot less obnoxious.
A lot less paranoid.
A lot less me.
I would be able to sit down to work without already panicking about what I did or didnt do.
I would be able to answer emails without apologizing for any sort of delay.
I would be able to not say Im sorry so damn much.
I would be able to make mistakes and not pace around my apartment terrified that Id be fired.
I would be able to handle my stress in a healthy way.
If I didnt have anxiety, I think Id be happier.
I wouldnt have dark intrusive thoughts that make me want to hide in shame for days on end.
I wouldnt have to take a tiny little pill every day, a necessity for my survival now.
If I didnt have anxiety, Id be free.
Id be free from my need to control everything.
Because you cant control everything.
But anxiety makes me want to.
If I didnt have anxiety, Id be more bubbly.
More over the top.
More extroverted and friendly.
Id be able concentrate on my goals instead of only on my fears and my failures.
Id be able to tell people who I am without shame or hesitation.
I would be able to drive to different cities without clutching onto the steering wheel waiting for my death.
I wouldnt have to be so morbid.
To be so upset over every tiny little thing.
To get so obsessed over everything I fucked up on in the past.
Id be able to focus on so much more than the panic and the stress and the control.
Id be able to write about so much more than just anxiety.
Id be able to jump without fear of falling.
Id be more lovable.
I wouldnt cancel plans.
Id go on more dates.
Id probably be a much healthier and energetic person.
But I cant help how my brain was built.
I cant help this chemical imbalance.
I cant make it go away.
So its true, Id be a completely different person without my anxiety.
Id be brighter and shinier, like brand new shoes from DSW.
Id be so vibrant.
But most importantly, I would be less strong.
Because as much as anxiety feels like hell on earth, it makes me brave and vulnerable and outspoken.
Anxiety makes me a better writer and it makes me incredibly powerful.
Because as much as anxiety wants to define me?
And it never will.
Its just a piece of me.
A page in my book.
Its not my whole story.
