Well call him Kevin.
He and I had a bunch of mutual friends and one of them set us up.
The dates were great … at least in my mind!
Anna Linna
My jaw hit the floor.What?!
How could this be?
This cant be right.
Theres been a mistake, theres a glitch in the system, I can fix this.
Mission accomplished, I fixed it!
But no, no.
I didnt hear from him after that.
I didnt understand, what went wrong?
This pattern would repeat itself many times.
I knew he had some commitment issues, so I reasoned that maybe he just likes metoomuch!
That must be it.
He likes me so much and realizes were perfect for one another and its scaring him.
I just need to help him feel less afraid.
He and I did share a deep connection.
It wasnt just a physical thing.
But he just didnt want to be with me.
And I just couldnt accept that.
I hit a breaking point around my birthday in February.
He stumbled through the doors drunk as a skunk.
Not even a thank you text for taking care of him.
I felt like a fool, but I just couldnt let it go.
And if I cant let go, it must mean that theres something there worth hanging onto… ), andanotherweek of me feeling crushed that I wasnt hearing from him.
More months roll by, now its summer.
Im in the Hamptons with some friends for the 4th of July weekend and so is he.
I resolved not to do anything stupid, I resolve to move on, Im better than this.
His eyes are always on me.
Every time I talk to another guy, I feel his eyes burning through me, angry and indignant.
He could have me if he wanted!
Doesnt he know that?!
And he did know that… but he still didnt want to do anything about it.
Were at a barbecue on the last day of the long weekend.
Im sad and staring, and hes sad and staring.
His friend comes up to me to try and cheer me up.
I ask her why hes always staring.
She answers, Well Sabrina, he really likes you.
We all know that he does.
And suddenly, Im ecstatic!
How do you know?
Did he tell you??
But whats the point?
Hes not doing anything about it!
He has commitment issues.
And then it hit me.
I had been chasing after his feelings.
I had been trying so hard to get him to love me.
But the truth was …
I didnt really love myself.
I didnt really have a sense of worth.
Then I would be OK.
But it doesnt work like that.
That is not where self-worth comes from.
A new title, a new milestone, a new compliment, new ways for him to validate me.
It would be an endless hampster wheel.
A road to nowhere.
There was also the fact thathe just didnt want to date me.
Was he kind of a selfish jerk?
Dont attempt to seduce him out of it.
But do you really want to have to work this hard?
Do you really want to put in all this effort to get someone to see your worth?
The right guy for you will not need any convincing!
If he doesnt want you, just let go.
Let go of what could have been… stop fantasizing about the potential of what could have been.
Dont think about the past, and all those special moments you shared.
Dont think about the future, and how great it could all beif only.
Look at the present.
If he doesnt want to be with you right now, accept that as your reality.
And dont just accept it, embrace it.
Look at it as a good thing.
And Im glad his gut (or maybe it was his attachment style, who knows!)
put up that resistance because in looking back, hewasnt the right guy for me at all.
Kevin made me realize what I was lacking within.
Once I saw the problem, I was able to correct it.
As Dr. Phil says, You cant change what you dont acknowledge.
Soon enough, I felt better and more confident than I ever had in my life.
I radiated a shine that was magnetic to all.
The only thing that changed was me.
Sometimes what feels like the worst thing to happen to us can pave the way for the best things.
But you will never, ever get what you want by settling for what you dont want.
So let him go, move on, be happy, and get excited for whats ahead.
