I loved you first.
Drink, I mean.
Sleep is a privilege, not a guarantee.
Jay Wennington
It only shows up midday.
Shows up when I need to be doing other things.
Sleeps a tease that way.
Only texting when I turn off the phone.
Says, Love, just rest your head.
You had a long night.
Jay Wennington
Youre so tired, arent you?
Sleep only wants me when I dont want it back.
ii.If I drink, I dream about you.
If I dont, I do too.
This is a lose-lose.
iii.Sometimes I dream youre really mad at me.
Usually about the poems.
Thebaby, kindly, just look at me again.
Youre yelling and it always sounds weird because Im not even sure how you sound when yelling.
Did you ever yell at me?
Why cant I remember?
Why is your voice only soft?
Why is your voice only patient?
Wasnt there a fight?
Was I the only one being loud?
iv.Theres one I always think about.
Im in your apartment.
You share it with her.
There are photos of you together everywhere.
I dont understand why Im there and why Im looking at all these goddamn photos.
You walk out of the kitchen.
You drop whatever youre holding.
I wake up with guilt on my tongue.
Part of me doesnt care.
Part of me wants you to take me right there, on top all the photos.
I loved you first.
vi.I am over it most of the time.
I have kissed other mouths and made homes in arms that dont look anything like yours.
I dont even think we work anymore.
You scare me a little.
You are calculating in a way you didnt used to be.
I wonder if youre still sweet.
If youd still rest your head in my lap and sing songs with me.
I dont want to find out.
But the dreams still happen.
vii.I am not in love with you.
I understand I dont know you.
But I see you most nights.
I hope one day it stops.
