It makes me wonder, reliving those moments, did you ever mean any of it?
But one of the most painful things Ive learned is that you never meant a goddamn word you said.
I can still remember the first time you told me you loved me.
Cristyan Bohn
Our best friends were in the back seat, I was driving, your hand in mine.
It was the middle of the night, and you kissed me so hard I swerved into another lane.
I had the goofiest smile on my face all night.
Remembering that night now feels like a different person.
I feel like that girl is someone I barely knew.
Because how could someone be so naive, to actually believe you mean what you say?
Thats all I wanted, to love you and show you how valuable you are.
It makes me wonder, reliving those moments, did you ever mean any of it?
Or another one of your illusions?
Months later, I sat in my room crying, all alone.
I depended on you, for everything.
I depended on you to remind me I was worth anything at all.
Fighting became our second nature, all those long days.
It never was, though.
They were the thoughts you managed to bury while you were trying to convince me you could be genuine.
The charade couldnt last forever, as much as I wanted it to.
You couldnt pretend to love me forever.
When you finally left, I knew Id never recover.
Thats the difference between you and me, I suppose.
Whereas I could never do any of that to you.
I was always an open book, but you were a locked diary with a pretty cover.
I let you see my damage, and you saw the joy in tearing me apart.
If you loved me like you claimed, youd still be here.
You wouldve tried to prove to me I was worth it.
I wouldnt be praying for you every night, asking god to protect you while Im not there.
I wont be around for the encore.
