Thats why I havent picked up my phone to contact you.
Of course, I havent deleted your number either.
So if you actually texted me, Id be dumb enough to answer.
I just want to know that you care.
Theres no way in hell that Im going to text you first.
Its already hard enough to hold myself back from talking to you.
Dont make the mistake of thinking its been easy for me to go months without speaking to you.
If you want the truth, its been hell for me.
Maybe even my whole week.
I dont hate you as much as I pretend I do.
I pretend to hate you, because its easier to get through life that way.
But you know how much I loved you, how much I wanted to make our relationship last.
Thats why Id forgive you way too easily if you gave me the chance.
It wouldnt matter if you meant it or not.
Im good at lying to myself.
If you texted me, Id tell myself that answering you back would be harmless.
Id keep lying to myself until I ended up in your bed again.
Until you screwed me over and shattered my half-healed heart into pieces again.
I have horrible self-control.
Honestly, its a miracle that Ive gone this long without talking to you.
The curiosity would be too much for me.
Id need to know what you wanted to say.
Id need to hear your heartfelt apology or your bullshit excuses.
Otherwise, Id go crazy trying to guess what it was you wanted to tell me.
I miss you more than you could ever imagine.
Im not going to lie.
I still think about you on a daily basis.
Weve been through a lot together.
It would be weird if I didnt miss you.
