That wasnt the version that you would want me to remember.
You werent happy.You were frustrated.
But that doesnt change the fact thatI miss you.
Twenty20 / mikaelashannon
I wish you were still around to have conversations with on early mornings and late afternoons.
I wish you were still around to hug and kiss and exchangeI love yous.
Theyouinside of a hospital bed, withering away.
Theyouwho complained about how much everything hurt.
Theyouwho struggled to take a sip of water and eat solid food and remember my name.
I want the version of you from my childhood.
Twenty20 / mikaelashannon
When your memory was all there, when your strength was up, when your spirit was intact.
When your legs were sturdy enough to dance across the room during holiday parties.
When your arms were strong enough to squeeze me tight after nightmares.
I want the version of you who would break into a smile whenever you saw me.
Who would tell me how beautiful I looked, even when I was dressed like a slob.
Who would remind me that it was okay to come by anytime or call anytime.
Who would make me feel like I had the bestfamilyin the world.
That wasnt the version that you would want me to remember.
You would want me to remember you as the person you were during your younger days.
During the days when you hovered around the kitchen, cooking and baking until the entire house felt hot.
During the days when you stuffed money into my palm and told me to buy myself something nice.
During the days when you spoiled me rotten, because you loved me that much.
And that version the kind, loving, peppy, happy version is the only one I see.
Every time I close my eyes.
Every time I dream of you.
Every time I tell a story about you.
Every time I think about you.
I understand thatif you were still alive, you would still be in pain.
But that is never going to stop me from missing you.
That is never going to stop me from wishing that you the real you could come back to me.
