Because the love you made me feel was intoxicating.
By
Updated 7 years ago,July 2, 2018
I have always been a hopeless romantic.
No matter how many memories you have shared with each other.
joyce huis
No matter how much it hurts.
The thing is, you changed me.
You made me realize that it shouldnt be that way.
joyce huis
You made me question the romantic in me.
You made me ask, Why would you leave if you still love me?
Because ever since you happened, I started believing that love real love should be fought for.
Real love should conquer all odds.Real loveshould endure.
Real love should be greater than anyones failures and shortcomings.
This is why Ill never understand you for saying that you love me, and then leaving.
Because the love you made me feel was intoxicating.
You made me touch the constellations.
You brought me to the sky.
You gave me happiness.
And in a flicker of an eye, you were gone.
You walked away and vanished behind the clouds.
You walked away and left me afloat.
You walked away and took my happinessyou.
You were my happiness.
But you left, and I might never understand why.
Or at least why did you have to.
Was I not enough?
Was yourloveas weak as your faith in us?
This is why Ill never understand you for saying that you love me, and then leaving.
Because you never gave me enough reasons.
And the question will always be more complicated than yesterdays.
The more questions I gather, the greater the space between us become.
But then again, maybe the vagueness of how you left is my closure.
Maybe if you had given me the reasons I needed, it wouldve hurt more.
You were my universe.
And I want to stop hurting.
I want to stop writing about you.
I want the scar youve left me with to heal.
To be completely honest, I want to forget you.
But I know that forgetting you is an impossible feat so Id settle for these yet unread words.
Because one thing remains, and that is the bitter truth that youre no longer here.
Im no longer trying because I dont want to lose myself in the process.
I want to keep the passion and the love inside me burning.
I want to preserve my worth.
I want to wait until someone else comes along and stays.
I will live for myself.
I will breathe and I will consider this pain as a good thingbecause I feel.
I will stop asking.
I will wake up and I will see the sun and burn with it.
I will look at your loving and leaving me as one of lifes biggest mysteries.
Then I will forgive myself.
Ill forgive myself for holding a grudge on you for leaving me hanging on a thin, thin rope.
Ill forgive myself for hoping that you will come back.
And most of all, Ill forgive myself for loving you more than I shouldve loved myself.
Because I know better now.
I dont deserve to be intoxicated; I need to be sober when Im in love.
I need to see whats ahead.
I need my mind to work while my hearts beats.
I dont deserve someone whose knees shake in the lightest earthquake; I deserve someone who holds on.
Maybe we just werent right for each other.
The reason why you left even if you still love me is as simple as that.
Because if we were, we wouldve lasted.
If we were you wouldve stayed.
If we were, God wouldve touched your heart and made you decide otherwise.
So goodbye, my ex-lover.
You are, and probably will always be, my most beautiful downfall.
