But Im afraid that this lost love, wasnt something that was ever actually found.
Im afraid to discover it was all a figment of my imagination.
Because maybe then Id find myself again.
God & Man
Im afraid to stare too long into the past clinging to what will never be the future.
Im afraid to say were fine if ever you ask because us not being together will never be fine.
Im afraid Ill always look at you and see the next fifty years that I know might never be.
Im afraid no one will ever know me the way you do.
Or take the time to want to learn.
You learned about every curve and every edge.
Every word and what I really meant.
Every flaw that made me who I was.
Every insecurity you turned into confidence.
Im afraid no one will ever watch me as closely as you do.
No one will ever touch as gently as you did.
The truth is youve always been the one to hold me without touch.
When people ask about lost love, its always been you.
But Im afraid that this lost love, wasnt something that was ever actually found.
Im afraid to discover it was all a figment of my imagination.
Im afraid of my wedding dayif it isnt youstanding beside me.
Im afraid of saying I do and youre the one Im thinking of.
Im afraid to settle in a love that is comfortable and safe.
When your love was the one robbing me of my sleep.
You were always the risk I was willing to takeno matter the stakes.
You were always the one I believed in, even when I had no reason to.
Ive learned to not trust three words I used to value so deeply.
Im afraid Ill always be your best-kept secret.
Your 5-minute cigarette break when you should probably that little hit.The thing you only ever want in small doses.
Im afraid of your wedding day, watching someone else get the life I always envisioned.
Watching someone else get the love I pinned so long for.
Watching someone else get the happy ending we used to say would be ours.
It was the love I deserved.
The love I never gave up on.
The love that took all of me.
And while you fumbled through all the right lies, I was the fool for believing it.
But it wasnt just an audience you fooled.
Im afraid Ill never truly be over you.
Im afraid youll always be that story I didnt want to end.
The truth is I look at my reflection wondering why Im not enough.
Im afraid Ill always love you.
Im afraid youll be this love on a pedestal I compare to every other.
Im afraid Ill always live with this regret I cant let go of.
And the what ifs and the maybe will be what haunts me at night.
Im afraid your ghost will always be what wakes me.
And your skelton in my closet takes up so much room there isnt space for anything else.
Im afraid I should have let go sooner.
But I cant ever seem to.
Im afraid Im waiting on a fantasy that will never be my reality.
But most of all Im afraid of you.
Because part of me still thinks we have a shot at this.
