While we as Indian-Americans craved acceptance through normalcy, liberal white society craved benefits from the different.
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Updated 4 years ago,March 29, 2021
When did I first experience racism, you ask?
There was a girl in first grade who danced around me in a circle doing a Native American impression.
Photo byMehndi Training CenteronUnsplash
I didnt know how to control my confusion or rage.
But what I know now is that that memory wasnt my first racist experience at all.
My poor parents had to explain why it wasnt a bad thing that I didnt have yellow hair.
I didnt believe them, of course.
I could never be Cinderella for Halloween.
I would never find Priya written on a keychain in a sad souvenir shop.
The closest I got to representation in movies or TV was a Black girl.
So, like many brown girls, I turned to Bollywood.
Yes, I know every scene inKuch Kuch Hota Hai.
In high school days, I talked about that hair pulling memory with pride.
Like I was the Batman for racism.
At the same time, I exploited my model minority shit HARD.
I crushed it at school.
I worked hard because people expected great things from me and paved the way to my success.
It was a self-fulfilling prophecy and all I had to do was show up and put some effort in.
I grew up in a pretty liberal part of Michigan.
I felt so fucking validated.
Like YES, this is what Harry Potter books were talking about.
People will love you for it.
Being extraordinary is better than being normal.
Its cool to be Indian.
That same summer, jute bags, bangles, flowy skirts, and kurtas were the ultimate fashion statements.
And I was like YES, FINALLY.
While we as Indian-Americans craved acceptance through normalcy, liberal white society craved benefits from the different.
In my head, I was like,America is a melting pot.
We get to experience other peoples cultures respectfully here!
Without sharing each others culture, we wont ever grow and learn!
Ill never get to eat Ethiopian food and shovel my face with injera.
I was sheltered by the fact that white people get to do the deciding.
They decide if bangles are cool.
They get to eat samosas and then tell you that they are sooo spicy.
They decide its cool to wear bindis as a fashion accessory.
They get to open profitable yoga studios and make it unaffordable for brown people to practice there.
it’s possible for you to imagine how pissed I was when I was applying to colleges.
My worst fears had become reality: My parents were rightmy competition was other brown people.
I think over and over again thats how white people trick brown people.
Like, legit, Pakistan wouldnt exist if that werent the case.
And then when Brexit or the Oprah/Markle interview happened, people were actually surprised?!
Were talking about the nation that is responsible for why literally every country has an Independence Day.
You are shocked that those people were capable of being xenophobic?
How is that even fucking possible, you ask?
Ill tell you how.
Because I fell for it too.
We won two world wars against Nazis and thought all the Nazis were gone.
I was stupid and didnt understand that when you win a war, you dont actually win.
The bad guys dont explode like inPower Rangers.
They go to school with you, work beside you, and systematically influence every decision in your life.
Because when Nazis lose a world war or two they dont just STOP BEING NAZIS.
I used to think my generation was obsessed with not being cliche.
I did SO MANY things to ensure I wasnt cliche.
I essentially revolved my life around it.
I didnt drink till I was 21.
I didnt become a doctor lawyer or engineer.
I wasnt a bigot.
And yet here were throngs of white men determined and ready to repeat the darkest parts of their history.
All my life, my parents always moved into good neighborhoods, which to them meant white neighborhoods.
What brown people havent understood for centuries is that white people are scary as shit.
Even now, Im living in my first home.
My parents sleep relieved knowing that I have a block full of white neighbors looking out for me.
WHICH IS SO FREAKING DUMB because at one point in history THEY OWNED US.
Things need to change.
We need to change.
And it starts by acknowledging that white is not synonymous for good.
