Adria looked at me inquisitively.
She had been staring out the window for most of the trip.
Four hours so far, and I doubt she had said more than ten words the entire time.
Carissa Ranee
Most of my early conversational gambits were met with the same sort of monosyllabic noncommittal responses.
After a while, I turned on the radio and resolved to leave her in peace.
I suspected she was uncomfortable with the sudden one on one time.
We werent what you could exactly call friends.
Our friends were friends, and so we often found ourselves in each others company.
Once or twice I bought weed from her boyfriend, a large and rather intimidating Hispanic gentleman named Carlos.
We were acquaintances, you could say, not friends.
Now, I should admit, I had a bit of a crush on her.
If I had a throw in, and I suspect I do, she fit neatly within the criteria.
She was petite, 55 or thereabouts, roughly six inches shorter than myself.
Her heart-shaped face was framed by straight black hair, slightly too long to be considered a pixie cut.
I thought it gave an endearing counterpoint to the rest of her style.
Besides, there were other matters which demanded my immediate attention.
Did anyone ever teach him how to lead someone?
I explained, Hes been going fifteen over the speed limit this whole time, running yellow lights.
Its all I can do to keep him in sight.
See, this is exactly why I didnt want to do this.
I have no idea where we are.
Were close though, right?
She went back to staring out the window, leaving me feeling like an asshole.
Obviously, she didnt want to listen to me complain the whole trip.
I wondered why she even agreed to ride with me at all.
I guess it was my responsibility to keep that option as unappealing as possible.
Sorry, I said.
Dont mean to be a bitch.
Im just nervous, thats all.
I dont usually drive long distances.
Looking forward to the reception so I get myself outside some drinks.
She smiled faintly at this, and said:
Me too.
Something like hope began to rise up within me.
The reception, I suspected, was my best bet at sealing some sort of deal with her.
If I didnt fuck it up on the ride down to the wilds of Arkansas, that is.
It was time to sweeten the pot, if youll forgive the pun, ease the tension.
I stepped down on the gas, hoping to reach a more comfortable following distance and played my gambit.
You want to have a smoke?
I have a few joints rolled in a pack under your seat.
She asked, drawing a tightly rolled spliff from the pack.
I was a pipe man, myself, and never quite got the knack of joint craft.
I thought I had bridged the gap somewhat, as his truck was very nearly identifiable as such.
This feat was achieved by forcing myself to accelerate to twenty miles per hour over the posted speed limit.
All yours, I said.
I pride myself on being a good host, and will happily take deuces.
Youre too kind, she said and I could tell her mood was lifting.
Oh, can I trouble you for a light?
I cant reach my pockets.
Theres one in the center console, I think.
Gracias, Adria replied.
There was indeed a lighter in the center console, and miracle of miracles, it even worked.
She lit the joint and took a couple of puffs.
Smoke, pungent and acrid, filled the cabin.
She coughed once, into her fist.
Pretty dank, Chuck, she appraised, not bad.
She was the only person I knew who called me Chuck.
To everyone else, I was Charlie.
I drew smoke into my lungs, held it until my chest burned, and exhaled slowly.
My head swam, but the sensation was followed by a pleasant buzz and an overall feeling of calm.
She ashed it carefully into an empty coke can, and took another hit.
A long one this time, and slow.
Like me, she held the smoke and let it out in a thick white plume.
We smoked the rest in silence that was only somewhat awkward.
The pot worked its magic and I felt the stress of driving melt away.
Children played in the yards, most of them filthy and shoeless.
In contrast with their parents, they paid us no mind.
Before setting off for this wedding we all expressed bafflement mixed with a heavy dose of disappointment.
We had hoped the wedding would be called off before it came to this.
In turn, he managed to offend every single one of us.
It never came to blows, but perhaps only because Liz was there to keep the peace.
So we scoffed at her claim of engagement.Marry?
This asshole?It was inconceivable, or so we thought.
But here we were, driving hundreds of miles into the heart of darkness to see her wed.
It felt like saying goodbye.
At least the scenery is nice, I said.
not realizing I had spoken aloud until Adria looked up at me, almost startled at the broken silence.
Her eyes were wide and red-rimmed from the smoke.
she said again, her token response.
I shook my head, an action that was met with a brief spell of dizziness.
I was quite honestly feeling pretty high and reminded myself that I needed to be paying attention.
I noticed then that Jacob had pulled ahead again.
Not as much as before, the winding roads saw to that, but farther than I liked.
I stepped on the gas.
Just thinking out loud, I said.
There was a moment of silence as Adria turned back to her window.
It is, She eventually said.
I looked at her.
I asked, having lost the thread of the conversation I inadvertently started.
The scenery, its nice.
I havent been out of the city in a long time.
I think Id almost forgotten what the countryside looked like.
Its nice, but its kind of eerie too.
So dead, so quiet, so… Its almost like the world has come to an end.
It was my turn to be startled.
Im sorry, She said.
I know I havent been the best company on this trip.
I have a lot on my mind, thats all.
I asked, wondering how much our trains of thought coincided.
Another bout of silence from Adria.
She appeared to be considering my question though, not ignoring it.
Yeah, She said.
Especially if they ask you to be a bridesmaid.
She made a face, I caught it just before turning back to the road.
It was my understanding that the ladies enjoyed the whole wedding thing.
Getting together, going over wedding plans, bachelorette parties, all that business.
Guess that showed how much I knew about it.
Lets change the subject, OK?
Hey, I said agreeably, None of my business, right?
Hey, let me ask you, I havent done too many of these weddings.
Whats an usher supposed to do, anyway?
Do I get to kick people out if theyre not on the list or whatever?
Like a wedding bouncer?
Nah, she said, staring out the window again, nothing cool like that.
I think you just show people to their seats.
Are you on the brides side or the grooms side?
Right this way, youd say.
Ah, well I guess that sounds hard to fuck up at least.
I can- I broke off.
Faintly, I could see the turn signal blinking on Jacobs truck.
Theyre turning, I better catch up before we lose them.
There was no light or stop sign marking the intersection, but at least it was paved.
I cant imagine how I would have spotted the turnoff on my own.
Also, my head was still buzzing nicely from the smoke, and the radio was playing my song.
Thank God, Adria said, stretching her arms as best she could in the confines of my Escort.
Ive been told I blush easily.
Its pretty goddamned embarrassing, to tell the truth.
she asked, her eyes scanning my face.God dammit.Your face is red.
She said while looking back at her window.
I figured your face was red because I caught you sneaking a peek at my tits.
I stammered something in response, a clumsy apology, maybe.
She waved me off.
Dont worry about it, Chuck.
If I was concerned about people sneaking a peek, I would have worn a bra.
She waggled them at me mockingly, as my face turned ever deepening shades of crimson.
I was starting to get hard, and hoped that wasnt quite so obvious.
She made no move to cover herself back up.
We exchanged a startled look and laughed.
She unbuckled her seat belt, rolled down the window, and leaned out, waving her free hand.
Enjoy the show, boys?
I was laughing so hard tears were rolling down my cheeks.
She sat back in her seat and buckled herself in, pulling down her shirt almost as an afterthought.
She laughed and punched me in the shoulder.
Oh wait, I added, Does this mean I owe you a peek at my junk?
She cackled, sending a couple more arm punches my way.
even though my arm was getting sore.
I was on a roll and I wasnt quite ready to get off just yet.
All right, all right!
She cried, still laughing.
From her bag, she produced a pack of cigarettes.
American Natives, the choice of all fine and discriminating hipsters.
She drew a cig with her teeth and lit it, holding the pack in offering to me.
I took the offered cig and patted my pockets in search of my lighter.
Before I could find it, Adria lit it for me.
Thanks, I said.
I light all my bitches cigarettes, She replied matter-of-factly.
This set me off laughing again, and I coughed, choking on the acrid smoke.
The next few moments passed in silence, but it wasnt awkward silence for once.
The country road we traveled on was all twists and turns, hills and valleys.
The woods pressed on us in oppressive beauty.
It was impossible to see more than one hundred yards ahead at any given time, often less.
Of Jacobs elusive truck, there was no sign.
It worked, at least to some degree.
My ruminations were interrupted by the sharp unpleasant flavor of burning filter.
So distracted was I that I managed to smoke the cig down to nothingness.
Not my state, what do I care about littering?
This time it was Adria who broke the silence.
Can I tell you something, Chuck?
Sure, I said.
and because it seemed appropriate to say something else, I added, Whats up?
For a while, she said nothing, apparently woolgathering.
I let her gather her wool.
The silence seemed long enough that for a moment I thought she had changed her mind.
I almost didnt go to this thing.
I mean, I like Liz okay.
Carlos, she said.
My heart sank a little at the mention of his name.
With all these miles and the distractions marijuana and exposed genitals provide, I had nearly forgotten he existed.
Her next words, however, lifted my heart right back to its lofty position.
Or, I broke up with him.
He, uh, didnt take it well.
masking my excitement with my most concerned tone.
Well, you know how he is, his temper.
He can be pretty intimidating, I agreed.
He can be pretty fucking terrifying, is what he can be.
You know that I see the way you are when you buy pot from him.
He scares the shit out of you.
There was no point in denying it, and I nodded instead.
He scares me too.
Thats why I broke up with him.
He never hit me before, you know.
Jesus, I said.
So what happened when you told him?
I didnt exactly intend to tell him, She said.
studying the debris on the floorboard.
Not to his face, I mean.
My plan was to pack my bags and leave him a note.
Sound plan, I said.
but it sounds like things didnt go like you hoped.
I had my bags packed and ready by the door.
You know, breakup lies.
I knew of them.
Heard plenty of them, as a matter of fact.
And thats when he…
Yeah, she said.
just above a murmur.
Thats when he busts in, home early for the first time I can remember.
First thing he sees is the luggage by the door and that sets him off.
He snatches the letter out of my hand and reads enough of it to get good and pissed off.
Im not sure he meant it.
Hey now, hold on, I began.
No, no, she said.
waving her hands in a gesture of negation, Im not defending him.
Carlos is even stronger than he looks, if you’re able to believe it.
I can believe it, I said.
Ive heard some things.
I heard someone gave him lip at Andys and he punched them so hard they got organ failure.
So what did you do?
He tried to grab at me and I started fighting back.
Not that I could do any real damage, or at least thats what I thought.
I guess I just wanted to go down swinging.
Only, I managed to kick him in the balls.
He went down, curled into an ass ball.
Yeah, she said.
in such a way that she almost seemed to be talking to herself.
She lit another cigarette, and this time I declined her offer.
I didnt really feel great about it, seems like kind of a cheap shot.
Anyways, I took my shot, grabbed my bags and got out of there.
I decided to play it safe and stay at hotels.
Didnt feel safe there either, every time I heard someone outside, I knew it was him.
Every time I opened the door, I knew he would be waiting.
Couldnt stay anywhere for longer than a night.
Did you call the police?
It seemed like the thing to ask.
She looked almost horrified.
They show up at the house, maybe they just arrest him for the assault.
Worst case scenario: They find the dope, then both of us are busted for dealing.
Either way, the second he gets out of lockup hell find me and fucking kill me.
And thats why you went to the wedding, I said.
making the obvious connection.
I just need a few days, time to breathe and think about what Im going to do.
Anyways, Im sorry for dumping all that on your lap.
Now dont start in on my chest again!
She said, laughing.
Just like that, all the storm clouds evaporated.
Adria leaned over and switched the radio back on.
She switched it off again.
Shit, I said.
They were coming up on us at an inadvisable speed, and I instinctively braced myself for impact.
I guess they forgot something.
A beer coozie, maybe, or their favorite hunting rifle.
Yeah, maybe, Adria allowed, Or maybe theyre following us.
I dont like it, I…
I didnt like it, not one bit.
I resolved to keep my megrims to myself until then.
At about the time of this resolution, Adria fell silent again.
Armed with the vague bullet points of her own megrims, I made an attempt at reassurance.
Theyre probably just some bored rednecks with nothing better to do, I theorized.
I felt this was probably true.
Im sure theyre harmless.
This was most likely true, or at least I hoped.
Theyll get bored of their little game if they dont get a rise out of us.
Before long theyll get back to oppressing minorities or whatever it is that passes for fun around here.
Torturing small animals, She submitted with a ghost of a smile, Or drinking themselves to death.
Likely some combination of the three, I replied.
That seems to be the most likely case, I said.
The seriousness of my tone set her into a fully fledged laugh, and I joined her.
She squeezed my leg, just for a moment, a friendly gesture.
Somehow I managed not to yelp in surprise.
Im with you, Adria concurred.
From that point, I fear the condition is terminal!
She laughed and passed me the joint, saying, It would be a mercy killing for sure.
Here, your turn for greens, Mr. Gracious Host.
I accepted the joint, once again fumbling for the lighter.
I got it, my bitch, she said.
They blared their horn, helpfully.
The guy in the passenger seat yelled something else at us I couldnt make out.
He looked exactly like a rooster would if a rooster suddenly became a person.
The driver was a fat guy in a trucker hat and aviator sunglasses.
His attention was on the road, not us, and he shouted nothing.
Adria cried, What the fuck!
Those assholes could have killed us!
A glance at my dashboard showed the clear culprit.
Adria asked, dismayed, Whats going on?
Shit, I said.
and in case that wasnt explanation enough, I added, We are out of gas.
Like, all out.
Shit, She agreed.
Uh, well I find somewhere to pull over and we call someone.
Jacob, for starters.
Good enough, or at least it had to be.
If Jacob turned a different way, it could be hours before he figured out where we were.
If he answered his phone.
Somewhere to my right came a sharp rasping sound.
I looked over at Adria inquisitively, and she looked back with an arched eyebrow.
I had already forgotten it was still resting between my lips.
Come on, she urged, The day has obviously taken a serious turn for the worse.
I have no intention of approaching it sober.
Fair point, I allowed.
She lit the joint for me and I took a long drag while pondering my life choices.
I was feeling pretty good about forgetting about the whole wedding thing and going directly back home.
My dick objected, citing the still present possibility of sex.
I passed the joint her way.
Im not mad, by the way, she said before taking a drag of her own.
Not at you anyways.
Im guessing you were planning on getting gas after we got back on the highway.
I wasnt expecting to be on this road so long, I replied, taking the jay back.
Jacob made it sound like a hop, skip, and a jump to the next highway.
Yeah, She said.
Well, I hope weve hopped and skipped as much as were going to have to.
Theres something about this whole thing; these woods, those asshole rednecks, I dont know.
I gave her the jay and she took another hit.
She attempted a French exhale, wound up choking, and passed it back.
Im starting to get a bad case of the creeps, honestly.
The sooner we get out of here, the happier Im going to be.
Most definitely, I agreed and inspected the joint.
It was getting pretty short, and Adria passed me her barrette.
It made a pretty decent roach clip.
I wondered idly, as I took my drag if that was the entire reason she wore it.
Feel free to cache it, I think Im good.
I need to find my phone, get us out of this mess.
Cool, man, she said, accepting the clip.
I only allowed myself a quick glance, though.
Didnt want her to feel my eyes on her.
Id had enough embarrassing moments for one day.
I slipped out the door to check for my phone.
As I searched, I considered asking Adria to pose for a sketch.
Something about the idea was exciting.
Later, I promised myself, after this mess is sorted out.
Upon unlocking my phone, I saw that I had missed three text messages.
They were as follows:
(5:17 PM)Dude where r u?
(5:33 PM)R U lost??
and simply,
(5:44 PM)???
I checked the time.
It was just short of six.
I composed a response, which went as follows:
Yes, I think we followed the wrong truck.
We are on-
I paused there.
For the life of me, I couldnt remember the name of the road.
Hey Adria, I asked, Whats the name of this road, do you remember?
Hmm, she reflected, It was Old something… Fuck.
I cant remember, but for some reason, I think of bottled water.
I exclaimed, maybe a bit more excited than the situation required, Old Ozarks Road.
Boom, she said.
dryly, Nailed it.
We are also out of gas and stranded.
I dont suppose you could circle back and save us?I thought for a moment and addedBring snacks.
Nothing left to do but press send and await salvation.
I watched my phones bar of progress.
It reached about 80 percent and stopped there.
Come on, I muttered, under my breath, send, you bastard.
I glanced over at Adria.
She had just lit another cigarette and was gazing off into the woods with some intensity.
My phone emitted an angry electronic bleep, demanding my attention.
A pop-up appeared, telling me I was currently at 20 percent battery life.
An E replaced the signal strength indicator.
Its true what they say, bad luck comes in threes.
Only here, I guess the expression should be bad luck comes in fours or fives.
Crap, I declared, Im getting no signal.
About that, she answered, sounding slightly embarrassed, I kind of got rid of my phone.
Make that fives or sixes.
Because of the Carlos situation?
I asked, regretting bringing him up even as the words left my mouth.
I know that sounds crazy, but it was under his name.
So he could report it stolen, right?
An educated guess, And then the police can track it by the GPS signal or whatever?
So I ditched it.
Made me feel a little better.
I dont blame you, Id have probably done the same thing.
I didnt know if that was true, but it sounded good.
So what do we do?
Im sure she knew we only had one option at that point.
Her asking could only have been wishful thinking, that maybe I had some more appealing idea.
I did, but screwing in my back seat wasnt going to get us rescued any faster.
Well have to walk, I said.
We cant be that far from a gas station, or at least I hope.
Unless you want to flag down that yellow truck next time they pass by.
Maybe theyll give us a ride on the way to the lynching.
Adria pulled a face that I suspected was partly mock horror, partly genuine horror and said.
Id rather ride Sasquatchs dick back to town!
I laughed my ass off for a minute and replied, If I spot him Ill ask.
Im sure hell be amenable.
Thanks, She said, smiling.
Well until then, I guess were walking.
Do you want another smoke?
Sure, I said.
snapping her fingers, One sec, before we go.
I could taste her Chapstick on the filter and was immediate, uncomfortably aroused.
We walked down the road smoking in companionable silence, taking in our surroundings.
It was early autumn and the air was crisp, but not cold.
I only spotted a few leaves on the trees in fall colors.
The rest displayed varying shades of lively green.
The woods were too thick to be weedy, but they were damned dark.
This with the narrow, twisty road we walked combined to give me a terrible claustrophobic feeling.
I hoped we would find civilization, or what passed for it soon.
I didnt relish the idea of being here after dark.
Of course, I kept these feelings to myself.
Adria seemed paranoid enough as it was.
Bigfoot, maybe, looking to offer some dick rides.
God, even that thought seemed erotic.
What was wrong with me?
It was quiet, too.
As loathe as I am to use the phrase, it was eerily quiet.
I could hear birds, but they seemed impossibly distant.
They could have been calling from Texas or Missouri for all I could tell.
Not so much as a breeze was present to rustle the leaves.
I felt like we were lost in time, and not just space.
I told myself nothing was amiss.
Sure, there was no breeze, but there was no menace in that, not really.
Really, any sound would be more menacing, I decided.
At about the same time, Adria dropped hers and stomped it out in a graceful, fluid motion.
She turned to me and smiled.
Rooster Boy leaned out the window and shouted something once again.
It might have been Get outta here!
or something else entirely.
I could neither tell nor care less.
Fucking redneck pieces of shit!
Adria yelled after them, hoisting a middle finger, Fuck off!
Only by then they were already gone.
Overall, I preferred the stifling silence.
I didnt say anything.
She asked, incredulous, I could have sworn I heard someone say… Never mind.
We need to get out of here, this place is making me crazy.
All that noise, I cant take it.
Yeah, Im with you, I replied.
Every time we turn a corner Im sure well find a gas station.
Every time I get my hopes up.
Well get there, though.
If this road didnt lead out somewhere, it would be a private drive or something.
By all that noise, I assumed she meant the horn-happy hicks.
Adria asked after a while.
Do you think… She paused, possibly wondering if she should continue, eventually deciding for it.
Do you think maybe those guys are following us because of Carlos?
Like, he sent them maybe to take me back?
Thats crazy, right?
Tell me thats crazy.
I looked at her, those green eyes bright and pleading.
Crazy or not, she believed it.
Weed makes everyone paranoid, but this was something else.
You didnt tell him where you were going?
She shook her head.
Did you tell anyone else?
Jacob and Sarah know, of course, I told you that.
I guess I also told Tia I was going to a wedding, She responded after some deliberation.
I didnt say where or whose, but maybe he found out.
I dont have that many friends having weddings right now.
Okay, maybe, I said.
Im sure its just a coincidence, really.
They honked, as per usual, but without the unintelligible shouting this time.
They did manage to scare the living shit out of us, of course.
Yeah, I agreed, scowling, Something like that.
Did you happen to catch what they shouted at us the time before?
Not really, she said.
I think it was something like Stand clear!
like maybe they wanted us to get off the road and stop interfering with their joyriding.
No argument there, I concurred.
I tried to think back to the last time I was in a pickle of this magnitude.
The closest I could come up with happened when I was maybe ten, eleven years old.
The incident occurred during a school field trip to the Gage Park Zoo.
We took the zoo train to the playground area to have a picnic lunch.
Instead of being a flat sheet of metal, it consisted of a line of roller bars.
This made for a lightning fast, nearly frictionless sliding experience that would never be allowed to exist today.
Thats not where I got into trouble, however.
Underneath the hill where the aforementioned slide was situated were a system of kid-sized tunnels that ran maze-like underground.
When I finally found my way out of there, my class was gone.
The school had just finished a huge campaign on stranger danger, and I guess it worked.
All in all, though, this was worse.
I sighed and tucked my phone back into my pocket.
The battery power was at seventeen percent.
No luck yet, I said.
trying not to sound as desperate as I was beginning to feel.
Adria started slightly at the sound of my voice, as though she had forgotten I was there.
She shrugged at my comment.
Do you get the feeling were being watched?
I answered, Besides by the rednecks?
She shrugged, I dont know.
Guess Im just being paranoid again.
Honestly, apart from them, I feel like were the only living souls for miles around.
I glanced up, hearing the tell-tale sound of an engine.
Speak of the devil, here they come again.
On this approach, they changed their pattern somewhat.
Instead of speeding by and honking, they slowed down to a crawl, watching us as they passed.
Their faces were stony, impassive.
We returned their watchful looks, our own expressions distinctly unfriendly and hidden by nothing.
Jesus, that was scary, Adria commented after they once again disappeared around the bend.
What do they want from us?
They want to get a rise out of us, I answered at once.
If we ignore them, theyll get bored.
She sighed, Youre probably right.
Its going to get dark soon, I think.
Ill attempt to save my being freaked out until then.
I replied, We need to talk about something.
Something good and distracting.
She asked, tilting her head inquisitively.
I probably dont have to tell you how much I liked her looking at me that way.
Disastrous as our trip was thus far, I still found myself happy just to be around her.
Let me see, I answered, and selected a classic.
Okay, I got one.
Whats the worst you fucked up during sex?
Fucking Casey Hamric, She said at once.
I laughed, No, not like bad choices or whatever.
Like, whats your most embarrassing sex story?
So I guess I cant keep that as my answer?
She asked, Okay, but you go first.
No way, I said.
Thats against the rules.
Ive got one for you, but its really goddamn embarrassing.
I can guarantee you, whatever youve got, mine is worse.
Ooh, She said.
All right, let me think.
After a moment her face lit up with an idea.
Okay, hows this?
She ventured, So I was maybe sixteen the first time I went down on somebody.
Whats the name of that shitty Italian restaurant over by Fry Street?
I thought for a second.
Ive had better spaghetti out of a can.
Barries, I said at last.
Its called something else now, but Im pretty sure it was called Barries at that point.
Yeah, She said.
Anyways, so he paid for dinner, right?
And it was his birthday so, I dunno, I felt like I kind of owed him something.
Sure, I said.
I wish someone ever felt like they owed me a blowjob, but this was no time for bitterness.
So were in his car, just kind of hanging out, you know.
There was a bit of a lull in the conversation, so I start getting sort of handsy.
We made out for a bit, and I sort of unbuttoned his pants and yanked it out.
Thats hot, I interjected.
Just wait, she said.
smiling in a sort of embarrassed way, This story takes a major turn for the heinous.
So yeah, I start going down on him.
Yeah, I gotcha, I said wondering where this was going.
So, long story short, I sort of threw up on his dick.
Oh god, I cried.
And I dont mean like a little spit up or something.
I threw up a lot.
It was all over his lap, all over his seat.
So naturally, he throws up all over the back of my head.
This is the worst story ever.
He slipped on the dick puke I think and got a concussion.
So what did he do for your birthday?
I asked fatuously, laughing.
She laughed with me, although her face was bright red.
Okay, laughing boy, she said.
a challenge in her eyes, Top that.
I think I can, actually, I said.
This was, I dont know, maybe five years ago.
She had gotten hit by a car and it destroyed some of her organs, so yeah.
So I always had to wear a condom when we had sex.
This was before I figured out I needed to be wearing larger than standard sized condoms.
She said, teasing.
Her eyes seemed to say a little something else, but maybe that was just wishful thinking.
I believe you, she said in a voice that suggested that this remained to be seen.
Honestly, I said.
Well, it kind of is.
It turned out to be a pretty lame party, more of a gathering really.
It was just us and a few other people.
We had both been drinking a bit, so her friend lets us sleep on their couch.
How adventurous, Adria said with the return of her wry smile.
Yeah, so you know, its getting hot and heavy.
I had a condom with me for just such an occasion, and so I slip it on.
So as per usual, its too tight, and so its sort of difficult to stay fully hard.
It was taking forever, and I was pretty worried about getting caught.
Finally, I think the magic is going to happen.
Turns out I just had to piss, so instead of coming I just sort of…
No!
I just sort of… pissed in the condom.
I couldnt make myself stop so basically I just sort of made a water balloon.
She looks down and says uh… whats that?'
Hahaha, what did you tell her?
So I wound up giving her like, the Splash Mountain of golden showers.
The couch was ruined.
After she kind of washed off the piss as best she could.
She didnt talk to me the entire ride home, and we broke up shortly thereafter.
Between mad peals of laughter, Adria said, Oh, oh Jesus!
Pretty bad, huh?
Now I have to pee!
So go then, I said.
I probably wont look.
Right here on the side of the road?
Well, what about the woods?
I offered, Im sure you’re able to duck behind a tree and get some privacy.
Unless its hunting season.
Adria bit her lip and peered out into the rapidly darkening woods, troubled.
I couldnt blame her.
Nobody wants to get bit on the taint by a rattlesnake while theyre trying to take a whiz.
At least I think nobody wants that.
Theres a lot of weird kinks out there.
I guess, she said, at last, turning toward the embankment.
For lack of a better option.
Ill wait here, I promised, Good luck, and remember: Leaflets three, let it be.
Dont want to get poison ivy on your hoo-ha.
Okay, she said making her way down to the tree line, Ill bear that in mind.
With this, she disappeared into the woods.
I was sure as the crow flew there couldnt have been more than ten miles between the highways.
Well actually, truth be told, I was certain of exactly nothing at that point.
Or, damn near.
Something told me if they saw me hear alone, the encounter would go very differently.
So far, though, nothing.
I fished my phone out of my pocket and checked the time.
With a sigh, I stuffed the phone back into my pocket.
Im back, Adria called from the tree line, startling me.
I didnt hear her come up.
What do you want, you scared the piss out of me!
I asked, genuinely perplexed.
How did I do that?
Ive been standing here quietly since you left.
Adria paled slightly, no mean feat as she was fairly pale in the first place.
Dont bullshit me, She said.
I think she meant to be stern, but a slight quaver in her voice belied her intent.
I shit you not, I insisted.
I havent made a peep.
She frowned, confusion mingling with fear.
What about those rednecks?
Did they come back?
Of the rednecks, there was no sign, I told her.
Why, what happened?
She shook her head, more as if to dismiss her megrims than my question.
Saying nothing, she started walking down the road.
I followed, also saying nothing and waiting for her to explain or not.
Maybe it was nothing, she said at last, without conviction.
I was so sure I would hear something that maybe my mind was just playing tricks.
I said nothing, hoping she would proceed on her own.
I walked out far enough into the woods that I could no longer see you.
Maybe another fifteen or twenty feet until I found a likely spot.
I was in the process of slipping off my pants and I started hearing this shuffling sound.
Like someone walking through the dead leaves?
Exactly, she replied.
At first I thought it was, like, a fox or a bear or something like that.
Some kind of animal, I suggested.
So I kind of looked around, and I didnt see anything.
Like hearing someone talk in the next room, but you cant quite make out the words.
Whoa, I said.
Yeah, I know.
Then I heard my name, clear as day.
Over and over again:Adria.
Adria.Kind of loud, too.
Honestly, Im surprised you couldnt hear it.
I started getting really freaked out, but I was still pretty sure you were just fucking with me.
So like, tell me you were just fucking with me.
Tell me it was you.
I wish I could, I told her and meant it.
If she was as close to the tree line as she said.
Perhaps not, but I was starting to wonder if Adria wasnt losing her mind.
Ever since we started walking she seemed nervous and edgy.
Maybe I was just being hard on her, though.
It was a frightening situation to be stranded like this.
Anyone would be jumping at shadows.
You were probably right earlier when you said you were just hearing things, I told her.
You didnt see any, like, tracks or something?
She shook her head.
You didnt see any movement in the trees like someone was dashing away or watching you or something?
She seemed to consider the question.
Well… She trailed off.
Promise you wont think Im just being a dumb scared girl or something?
Yeah, I replied, and since that sounded insincere, I added, I promise.
Well, I didnt see anything then.
So on the other side of the tree, I was leaning against.
If that were so, I should definitely have been able to hear something.
I left the way I came in, and all I saw were the tracks I left.
So no, I didnt see anything while I was in the woods.
Not that that means there wasnt somebody there.
She shot me a challenging look.
I looked back at her impassively.
I didnt see anyone while I was in the woods, but…
I thought about her anxious glances, watching the treeline.
But while we were walking…
Yeah, she said.
looking down to the road at her feet.
Sure, I replied.
Well, ever since we ran out of gas its been happening a lot.
Like, almost constantly.
And dark, I added.
She fell silent for a moment and said.
I keep telling myself its nothing.
That Im just scared of being out here and jumping at shadows.
She turned to me and smiled wanly.
Lets not talk about it anymore, Okay?
Sure, yeah, I agreed and smiled back at her.
She slipped her hand into mine, and I managed not to gasp.
Instead, I gave it a light squeeze and was glad to see her smile grow somewhat less wan.
Im glad youre here, Chuck.
She told me, I couldnt have handled this on my own.
Im glad youre here too, I answered.
Hold that thought, she told me, scowling, Those assholes are coming back.
Sure enough, as soon as I turned to look I heard the sound of their engine.
Adria ducked to the ground, to what purpose I did not know at the time.
I was watching the truck, though I knew it would be better to ignore them.
They came tearing around the corner in their banana-yellow monstrosity, headlights and roof lights now blazing.
Nice shot, I muttered as the truck screeched to a stop.
I watched them go, dumbfounded, as Adrias tirade tapered off.
What the fuck was that?
Dont know, dont care, Adria declared.
Along with a payphone, I added.
And a highway, she contributed.
And some place to get a hamburger that isnt made from people.
This managed to get a laugh from her, and I was glad.
Maybe she would even forget about how quickly the sun was setting.
As soon as this thought crossed my mind, I began to realize how true it was.
The thick press of trees already left their shadows across the entire road and on into the opposite embankment.
The sun was nothing more than a gleaming sliver visible over the horizon.
The crisp air grew colder, and she put her arm around me for warmth, holding me close.
It made the walking more difficult, but contrarily more enjoyable.
I allowed myself to believe that they were through hounding us.
I remember the first time I saw her.
Adria, I mean.
It was only a couple of years ago.
There was a trend going around of throwing backyard parties disguised as art shows.
It was at one such show, hosted by a local… well celebrity isnt the right word.
I didnt really know him.
This arrangement was agreeable to her and we quickly split up.
This was followed by a Blink 182 cover, which was subsequently followed by another Blink 182 cover.
Their most redeeming qualities were a talented drummer and Julians own manic enthusiasm.
Anyways the crowd, already edging past tipsy, seemed to enjoy it.
A small, half-hearted mosh pit formed during Teasley Lanes finale, an original composition by Julian.
Not a bad song all around, although I cant for the life of me remember the name.
I joined the pit with gusto, taking some licks and dishing out more.
I ambled dazedly to a clear spot of grass and sat there waiting for my head to clear.
Here you go, she said, handing me an American Native.
It was an accident, I swear.
She laughed and said, Really though, I am sorry.
Thats my friend Julians band, I guess I was just sort of getting into the spirit or whatever.
It was on the tip of my tongue to reminisce with Adria over this very event.
Thats about the time I realized her arm was no longer wrapped around my waist.
In fact, she was gone.
My heart lurched and chugged just like my car before it died.
Only it didnt stop, it raced.
I was terrified, as much by what I saw as by Adrias sudden disappearance.
Of these three truths, it was the third that edged me into full-blown panic.
I promised I would stay with her.
Well, maybe not in so many words, but… She could have gone anywhere.
Where are you?!
There was a sound, just barely audible in the pause between one Adria!
It had to have been her.
My head jerked in the direction I considered most likely to be the origin: Down the left embankment.
It was her, I knew it.
It was a wonder I didnt fall and break my neck.
She called from the darkness.
I could almost see her beckoning.
I have something to show you!
I cried back to her, Dont go anywhere!
I leaped to my feet, prepared for a fight, and came face to face with- Adria.
Dont go in there, She whispered, eyes big as saucers gleaming in the moonlight, just stay!
I gasped, dumbfounded, What?
Come on, she said, tugging my arm, We need to get back on the road.
We scrambled back up the incline, both of us throwing nervous glances over our shoulders.
That shadowy smudge I was so certain belonged to Adria was gone, and the voice with it.
My head swam with confusion and fear, fading panic and spent adrenaline.
It was a wonder I didnt faint and go tumbling back.
What happened back there?
Adria demanded as we stepped back onto the relative safe haven of the road.
I asked, more confused than ever.
At the top of the hill, right before it dropped downhill again.
I told you I was stopping, and when I looked back up you had disappeared on me.
Right before the drop?
Thats where I realized she wasnt with me.
Then I heard your voice from the trees.
I ran over to see, and you were standing there by the edge of the trees.
But I saw a shape in the woods, and from it I heard a voice.
You said-
Come on, I guessed, I have something to show you.
She bit her lip, hard, and drew blood that gleamed black in the moonlight.
She swayed a bit like maybe she was going to faint, and I held her steady.
Frowning, I told her When I heard it, it was your voice.
Im sure of it.
She looked down into the woods again.
There was nothing to see, or at least there was nothing I could see.
What is going on here?
she asked, wiping the blood from her lip with the heel of her palm.
Lets sit down for a minute, I suggested.
Adria glanced down the road, seeing the fog bank we were moments from walking into.
The hill was steep and the only way to sit comfortably was to face the road ahead.
Do you have any more of those cigarettes?
She nodded and produced the pack.
Her hands were too shaky to light the cigarettes together like last time.
In the end, she had to pass me both to light for her.
I put my arm around her and she leaned her head on my shoulder.
I felt a bit like crying, myself.
We had been driving down this road for forty-five minutes or more.
Our speed, I estimated, averaged at about of forty miles per hour.
Maybe less, considering all the sharp turns and all.
Thats a lot of country road, especially for having no apparent purpose like this one.
That was strange, but not outside of the realm of possibility.
It was like the state had this road paved and then promptly forgot about it.
Adrias question floated through my mind over and over again, What is going on here?
Look, I said, breaking the silence.
I felt Adria stiffen momentarily, and she looked up at me.
Were both tired, dehydrated, and scared.
Can we agree that whatever happened at the top of the hill was just our imaginations running wild?
She seemed to consider this.
Yeah, she said at last, Yeah, it must have been.
Its just… how did we hear the same exact thing?
I dont know, I told her emphatically, And it doesnt matter.
What matters is getting off this road, and getting some help.
Come on, I should try my phone again at the top of the hill.
Maybe on high ground like that, I can get a signal.
She nodded and we both rose to our feet.
My feet and back argued vocally against this action but were summarily ignored.
Just a flash, and then it was gone.
Somehow I managed to convince myself it was never there.
If Adria noticed anything amiss, she gave no sign of it.
Once I found myself on level ground I pulled out my phone.
The E was replaced with a single bar of reception.
I exclaimed, We have signal!
Adrias face lit up with excitement.
She cried, Text Jacob!
I opened up my messages and tapped the retry button next to my last message attempt.
The bar of progress started its slow crawl, and I watched intently.
Once again it made it all the way to eighty percent in no time.
Another jump, maybe ninety percent.
Come on, I urged, under my breath, Come on, send!
The bar leaped once more, and the screen went black.
I cried, only just stopping myself from pitching the phone off into the darkness.
Adria asked, dismayed.
The screen went black.
It might have sent, I dont know.
I stabbed at the home key, hoping against hope.
The screen lit up once more, only to show a sad battery symbol.
The phone is dead.
God dammit, I thought I still had some juice left.
Its them, She whispered, They dont want us to get out of here.
I asked, incredulous at this seeming non sequitur.
She only shrugged, but the conviction never left her eyes.
I thought of the shape I saw at the top of the hill, the voice in the trees.
But there couldnt be anyone out there, surely.
Come on, I said.
Only thing we can do now is keep moving.
This road must go somewhere.
She asked, under her breath.
I stared back at her, nothing to say.
I wasnt so sure myself, not anymore.
Maybe sometimes roads go nowhere.
Below us, the fog billowed and surged in the valley, a living thing as thick as smoke.
I cant go in there, Chuck.
I cant do it.
you could, Ade.
I answered, Youve got to.
You were able to face up to that bastard, Carlos.
I dont know if I could have said the same.
Youre braver than you think.
She chewed this over, peering into the fog.
Dozens of conflicting emotions played over her face, fighting for dominance.
In the end, determination won the day.
Yeah, she said with no quiver to betray her, I can do this.
She took my hand, looked me in the eye, and said:
Dont let go.
We stepped into the fog, hand in hand.
It was such a relief, I reflected, to be the voice of reassurance.
So much easier when I was being brave for someone else.
The moon overhead shone no brighter than a tarnished coin laying at the bottom of a murky pool.
Was it Adrias hand gripping tighter on my own, or was it the other way around?
The silence was palpable here, worse even than before.
Even so, neither of us seemed eager to speak and break it.
But who would hear us in this lifeless place?
The trees in question pressed closely upon us once again as we reached the bottom of the hill.
Their spectral forms bore down like malicious giants from a Tolkienesque fantasy.
Perhaps it was they who gave me the inexplicable but unwavering sense of being watched.
Perhaps, but somehow I didnt think so.
Wispy shapes whose movement caught my attention, only to disappear in the blink of an eye.
I told myself this, but it was a hard sell.
I could feel Adria grow tense and I knew she saw them too.
My feet carried me further down the road seemingly of their own volition.
I was able to defy it, but only with some effort.
I tried to remember the person I was before the fear took over.
I envied him and cursed him for a fool.
This was the truth, the fog was the truth, the fear was the truth.
I looked to Adria, but even she seemed insubstantial in the fog.
She smiled at me but the fear never left her eyes.
Could she feel reality unraveling, the same as me?
Her eyes darted away and the smile faded.
Do you hear them?
She asked, softly as she could, The whisperers?
I opened my mouth to tell her no, but before I could the answer was made a lie.
I could no longer lie to myself and say it was my imagination.
It came from all sides as if they (whoever they might be) were closing in on us.
The rabbit brain thrashed in its cage.
The wind, I whispered, choking on the lie.
There was no wind, there never was.
Its not, she insisted, Its them.
Theyre coming for us.
Theres no one here but us, I answered, persisting in the lie.
They abandoned their furtive movements, refused to disappear.
They peered at us from a distance, if indeed such things had eyes to peer.
Their forms were still no more distinct than darker smudges in the gloom.
What do they want?
I had no answer for her, but they did.
Come,they chanted,Come, Come.
(Come, come, come)
My legs had become useless, leaden things.
No amount of the remaining will I possessed could compel them into movement.
It was not me I feared for, or at least so I tell myself now.
She told me she wasnt angry with me, that she didnt blame me for running out of gas.
That was sweet of her.
It was my fault.
All of this was my fault.
I was careless, so goddamn careless.
They were closer now, some of them as close as the curb.
Even so, their features refused to sharpen.
They were no more substantial than shadows, no more real than a dream.
Hold on to me!
I begged her, Hold me tight and dont let me go!
She did as I asked, and in return, I held her as tightly as I could.
Her heart beat wildly like some animal (rabbit) in a cage, I could feel it.
Her hot breath blew across the back of my neck in hyperventilated puffs.
Everything stopped, all but the sound of our own breath.
I didnt know anything, but at least I had that moment.
Im sorry, she breathed, and just like that, they took her from me.
One moment she was in my arms, my fingers buried in her raven-black hair.
The next she was ripped away, screaming into the night.
I watched her, helpless, as those shadowy shapes writhed over her, dragging her into the fog.
I watched her, and I screamed too.
I called her name until the darkness took me, and I was grateful for it.
Light came back into my life with a sharp jabbing sensation in my ribs.
I groaned and turned over, feeling hard pavement supporting my aching frame.
The sun blazed overhead, and I was not alone.
I told you he was still alive.
You owe me five bucks.
I groaned and attempted to sit up.
Adria, I said to no one in particular.
The girl with the tits?
I sat bolt upright.
She wasnt with you.
I guess, I admitted as I took in the sight of my rescuers.
It was none other than the rednecks from the yellow truck.
The yellow truck itself was parked at the curbside, the doors hanging open.
A bell could be heard faintly, ringing from within.
Lessn we wanna catch hell from him later.
Get in the truck, Rooster boy instructed, Youll be sitting bitch.
Along the way to this Sheriff Carson, the two rednecks explained to me their intentions the day before.
When darkness came they had to leave that road.
I didnt ask them what they thought they would be interfering with, or what they meant by taint.
I didnt ask them anything.
They wouldnt, not a bit.
My throat ached too.
Stripped raw, as a matter of fact.
From the screaming, I guessed.
My story told, I leaned back in my cheap plastic chair.
Forget about her, son, He told me, blowing beery wind in my direction.
Its a thin place, that road.
There are doors there the likes of you and me dont know how to open, not on purpose.
If shes meant to come back she will.
Now go on back home.
In the end, I managed to heed half his advice.
I myself wasted no time saying goodbye to the place.
Half an hour later I was back on the highway.
Five more hours later I was in my home.
Maybe a week later I was finished giving lie-festooned answers to awkward questions from everyone I knew.
Once there she elected to take a bus home.
That, I told them, was the last I saw of her.
Believable enough, I suppose.
Her parents were furious of course, but that was nothing to me.
All I needed to do was move on with my life.
To this end, I was somewhat successful.
I even met other women, dated, formed relationships.
The way her hair felt in my fingers in those last terrible moments.
Things would thereafter quickly fall apart.
There would be other reasons, excuses, angry words, and accusations, but it was her.
Only her, a memory of a girl who in the end, I barely knew.
Forget her, son, Shes gone.
There was a time those words, earnestly given, still angered me.
What did he know about it?
He didnt see those phantasmal entities surround us, didnt hear the voices call for her.
Didnt see them tear her away into the sky like the Wendigo of Inuit legend.
He wasnt the one left behind.
Finally, I returned to that Old Ozarks Road, took me ages to find it.
From there I set out on foot.
It was almost dark again when I found the hill that descended into the fog.
Until dawn broke I stood there, staring into the wilderness and waiting.
I knew that fat old sheriff was right, even if he didnt know what he was talking about.
Until then, all I can do is wait.
