What we had was special.
What we had was something that I will never forget.
But what we had is long gone.
Jiří Wagner
What we had is done.
I don’t know why it took me so long for that to latch onto my heart.
In places that youve never been.
In my midnight dreams.
In my poems and writing.
In my unspoken words.
Jiří Wagner
Youre always popping in and out of my life.
Always so eager to show up when its not expected.
Always ready to mess with my heart.
But now I think its over.
The pulling and the pushing and the pulling some more is over.
I can breathe now.
For a while there, I couldnt.
I couldnt comprehend that we had an ending.
Because if its true love, it always finds a way to live, right?
And if it were meant to be, it would be.
What we had was special.
What we had was something that I will never forget.
But what we had is long gone.
What we had is done.
I dont know why it took me so long for that to latch onto my heart.
I dont know why it took me so long to accept that fate isnt in the stars for us.
Fate isnt on our side.
Maybe it never was.
Maybe I had to take so much time missing you, for it to really hit me.
Maybe I had to take so much time writing about you, to get you out of my system.
To get the idea of you and me out of my head and my brain and my fingers.
This stage of acceptance.
This stage of now knowing, that its done.
And truthfully, its been over for so long.
I tried to not believe it.
But I believe it now.
I probably wont ever see you again.
You live across the world.
Youre not the same you that I used to love.
And thats how I know now, that its truly done.
Because you are not the same.
And I am not the same.
You are not my best friend anymore.
You arent even a friend, as you said,you cant be there for me anymore.
As I read those words, I gulped in my pride, and hit the block button.
I sucked in the hurt and the lonely and I erased our history.
At least the history that I could see.
I blocked the pictures, the Instagram posts, the music page.
I couldnt just see you as a friend online, and be okay.
So, I took you digitally out of my life.
I didnt want to.
I just had to.
I had to let you go.
To let the hope go.
To let the pain flow out of me.
I had to take control of my destiny that will never be with you.
I had to let go of the past.
I wish we could have been friends.
We gave it a go.
But, it wasnt enough for me.
It just broke me and over and over again.
It hurt too much to talk to you and not remember how to unsay I love you.
So, if youre reading this…Im sorry I had to block you.
Im sorry I cut you off.
And finally, I want to be happy too.
Without the past always getting in the way.
Without you always showing up, pulling me back all the way in.
And now, I know that I deserve to find someone who wont break my heart.
