There are things inside me I am dying to scream.
But instead, I’m whispering.
That might sound normal to some.
Jose Alfredo Lerma Contreras
But it was beyond weird for me.
Its not a disclaimer I ever use.
None of my secrets remain secret.
Its like verbal diarrhea.
Im talking, talking, talking.
Im spilling my guts on the reg.
Jose Alfredo Lerma Contreras
Im not shy about my personal life.
I say shit no one wants to hear.
(Hahah hemorrhoids?!
Imtoogood)
Im open.
An open book you want to shut but it keeps opening back up.
I dont know how to be closed off.
I dont know how to hold onto pieces of myself.
I am shouting my every desire from the rooftops.
HEY WORLD, ITS ME, ARI EASTMAN.
CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND?
I think Ive always been like this.
I grew up an only child in a family that made honesty the most important thing.
What did that mean, you ask?
Means we talked about everything.
E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.
After losing my virginity, I told myself Id keep it a secret.
Not even two days later, I told my mom.
I was bursting at the seams.
I cant keep anything zipped.
I still trust easily.
I will give the homeless woman on the street corner $5.
Thats not how I choose to live my life.
Thats not my mindset.
I see the best.
I believe the best.
I would rather give and be taken advantage of than never give to begin with.
But something is up lately.
Am I getting older?
Does age make you less shiny?
Even people I love, Im being careful.
Im calculating which parts I can give out.
Im not running back and forgiving those who hurt me.
Im paying attention to behavior and patterns and deciding not everyone is worth bending over backwards for.
Or am I just at a breaking point?
There are things inside me I am dying to scream.
But instead, Im whispering.
Am I becoming a skeptic?
Or is that what being guarded looks like?
I guess its all new to me.
