Perhaps youve had an up and down relationship with your body and food for years.
Perhaps youve cycled between diets in an attempt to feel better about your body and ultimately about yourself.
Perhaps youve struggled with bingeing or over-exercising.
Lisa Fotios
Perhaps youve struggled to accept your body, no matter how much it weighs.
Perhaps youve even struggled with an eating disorder, or with disordered eating.
I hope you know that youre not alone.
Ive been down these paths before.
Ive wished that I could have a smaller body.
Ive lost and gained weight.
Ive obsessively counted my calories.
Ive execute the extra miles.
Ive had panic attacks in dressing rooms.
And Ive dreaded wearing a bikini at the beach.
I once was convinced that I would find happiness once my body was perfect.
I thought that fixing my body could protect me from pain.
I thought that if only I could love myself, life would be a little bit better.
I thought that inner healing would occur once my body was the right size.
I thought that my anxiety would be cured if I felt confident in my body.
I thought a smaller body help me solve all of my deeper routed problems.
I thought it would make me feel more loved.
So there I was.
I couldnt save my mom from dying of cancer, so I controlled my weight.
I lost the weight that I had wanted to lose for so long.
I reached my goals and had exceeded them by a long shot.
I didnt love myself anymore.
I didnt feel any more confident.
I wasnt more loved, and I didnt have more friends.
I felt the same self-esteem issues that had weighed down on me for years.
And I felt the same insecurities that I felt prior to the loss of weight.
It has taken me years to understand that existing doesnt become miraculously easier if I weigh less.
Ive learned from experience that controlling my body wont give me any more control over my life.
It doesnt actually matter what size clothes I buy, or how I look in the mirror.
What matters above all is that I accept this body.
That I accept the softness and the stretchmarks.
And with that being said, I now know that this body that Im in deserves compassion and kindness.
And when I step out of the shower, my appearance in the mirror still startles me.
A body I could feel safer in.
Sometimes I still feel that if only I lost just a few pounds, I would feel more comfortable.
Because shrinking my body is not worth sacrificing my mental health.
So Im not going to go back to that body.
Im not going to have a go at lose any weight.
Because the real work that I have to do is the work on the inside, not the outside.
It has nothing to do with calories or scales.
It has nothing to do with the size of my waist or the lines on my legs.
Nothing more, nothing less.
The process of learning to accept this body, exactly as it is, has given me more freedom.
Its given me more space to live.
Its okay to have a glass of wine while watchingThe Bachelorand to not feel any guilt about it.
Its okay to split an appetizer with my friends without freaking out about gaining weight.
Losing weight wont change how you feel about yourself deep down.
It wont change how others feel about you, especially the people who care about you and love you.
Your body is the least interesting part of you.
You dont have to think your body is beautiful or perfect.
You dont have to be completely head over heels in love with your body for you to be okay.
Your body is just a body.
And the battle to lose weight is certainly not worth the toll it will take on your mental health.
Controlling your food and your body wont give you control over your life.
It wont reduce your anxiety or heal your pain.
It wont protect you from hurt, and it wont make you a better person.
It wont fix your life.
But being in touch with your heart and mind?
This is where the real magic will happen.
Know that making peace with your body takes time.
But you will get there.
