Its thoughts of your hands, my lips, your mouth, my skin.
And theres an aching for something not here.
A longing for something hollowed out from my body.
Inna Lesyk
I pretend I never loved you, Im afraid I always will.
By
Updated 6 years ago,February 21, 2019
I already regret writing this.
Like I didnt look at you and see caution red tape.
Inna Lesyk
Maybe its what drew me to you, the sound of the imminent storm.
Yeah, Im a terrible cliche, I really do have the worst taste in men.
Maybe its because we both had a penchant for vehement touch.
I keep writing about you like there was a me and you, but in reality there never was.
It doesnt take away from the fact that you and I we were beautiful.
Painful, yes, but beautiful.
Dirty, yes, and it may have felt right, but you and I we were so wrong.
And yes, I believe in love, but Ive never known it to be a good thing.
Yes, I believe in love, but Ive never known it not to fall apart.
Someone who only ever held my hand after sundown, behind a locked a door and closed curtains.
I loved someone who made me feel ashamed.
Someone who never chose me, years and years, again and again.
The truth is no one has ever made me feel as dirty as you.
Towards the end all I ever thought about when I was with him were your hands.
And the truth is all Ive ever been is your longest kept dirty, deep, dark secret.
I hope you do.
That you put your face to her neck and miss my scent.
I hope its killing you.
I wish I could say I wished you both well.
And I dont know how long its been but I feel like you were just here.
Like Ive yet to shut the front door.
Its thoughts of your hands, my lips, your mouth, my skin.
And theres an aching for something not here.
A longing for something hollowed out from my body.
And theres scars from burns, still, spawned by your fingertips.
I pretend I never loved you, Im afraid I always will.
Right now I am tired to clinging on to things that never were.
Im so over this shit.
Right now I am calling this my last goodbye.
