In 2018 I can only hope I meet someone I love as deeply as I loved you.
But more than that I hope I meet someone who can love me the way I deserve.
By
Updated 7 years ago,December 9, 2017
I held back tears when I said goodbye.
God & Man
Im sure you thought much of it or noticed.
But for me it was an ending to something Ive held onto longer than I should have.
Closing the chapter that I kept rereading titled us.
God & Man
The truth is I looked back at you hoping maybe you were watching me go.
Maybe then you would have given me a reason to turn around.
I walked away hoping youd come after me.
Hoping maybe it would hit you that it should have been us this whole time.
I drove home that night calling someone Im afraid has become comfortably part of my routine.
He tries on calling me baby and I hate to admit it fits.
Because there are moments I still wish it was you.
I drove home silently.
An ache in my chest made me realize how much I really did love you.
How much I really did want you.
How far I was willing to go.
How I wouldnt have given up on you if only you didnt give up on me first.
But if theres anything I do right in 2018 itll be letting you go for good.
Letting go of the idea that maybe one day wed get it right.
Whispers of I love you in the dark were met with the heartbreaking reply, I know.
And you taking my love with you to build yourself up in a way that tore me down.
I think I knew the whole time I just didnt want to believe it.
When you invest time and emotions into someone you dont want to be wrong about them.
Maybe it was my stubborn nature that forced me to hold on longer than I should have.
Your head always knows the truth even if it takes your heart longer to catch up.
And Ive always been someone to follows my heart more than I should.
In the new year, these are the things Ill let go of.
Jealousy.Because even if I was everything you could have wanted I still dont know if youd choose.
Pain.Because I clung to it because it was so familiar but that shouldnt be the case.
Confusion.Because there was something there between us.
Im just not gonna think about that anymore.
Envy.Because maybe just like you found the right person I hope I will too.
Blame.Because neither of us were to blame for things outside our control.
Sadness.Because Im tired of writing such sad things and letting that define me.
In 2018 I can only hope I meet someone I love as deeply as I loved you.
But more than that I hope I meet someone who can love me the way I deserve.
And I hope I can say that in the new year and believe it.
