Did you know they say it only takes 27 days for skin to fully regenerate?
Flashback to that June, when were picking dandelions atop a grassy hill.
When we lay on the green of the Earth and make amends with who weve been.
Photo byTony RossonUnsplash
When you say sorry for the first time long before I knew how many times youd breathe out apologies.
We play board games by candlelight and flip through old CDs.
We tell stories about growing up and drink whiskey like its water.
Its July and we are a mess of tangled limbs.
I hold onto your arms and you sing into my ear.
We drive for miles and do nothing but talk.
We drive for miles and you never take your hand off my thigh.
You tell me the funniest thing youve ever done and I laugh until I cant breathe.
I come running with a hose, but you tell me to stop watering weeds.
But weeds are just wildflowers, and you, my darling, have always been a wild soul.
I am convinced that people always leave and you tell me that no one ever stays.
But my feet have been planted in the soil ever since we started this dance.
We are driving on a busy road and you almost crash into an onslaught of traffic.
Home, I whispered.
Love feels like coming home.
Its just that I dont know how to stop the bleeding.
The winter air clings to the earth and I am desperate for a sun that wont shine long enough.
Its December and your head is in my lap; my heart is in your hands.
You tell me that you love me while you draw hearts with your finger on my palm.
We chase a bottle of champagne with laughter and bare feet on icy pavement.
We dance dizzily to nothing but the sound of our own hearts beating.
Its February when you throw me on a pedestal.
When you shout about who we are from the rooftops.
When you show me off like a prize.
When I start to mistake big red flags for big red love.
Its March when I learn that fear is an anchor I am just not strong enough to untie.
Its March and youre across the bar from me.
My chest aches at the truth well never say.
I dont venture to make eye contact.
I dont make a run at look into your eyes for the confirmation of almost.
I nod and smile politely, my head spinning before Ive even had a sip of liquor.
She pulls me into the bathroom the way girls do and suddenly were no longer strangers.
Suddenly, shes telling me, Youre lucky.
Its cute the way hes looking at you.
you’re able to tell he cares.
We touch up our makeup and before I can turn around, she says, But he looks worried.
Like he was afraid that he lost you in the crowd of people.
She links her arm into mine and we walk out together.
You roll your eyes at my pain and pull me in for a hug.
Its January again, and for one split second, it feels like things are normal.
Like we arent just pieces of shrapnel disguised as precious stones.
Like Im not searching for answers in your haunted eyes, in the words that youll never say.
Its January again, and Im sorry that all I ever do is beg for signs.
Its January again, and I am still trying to figure out what it all means.
Its January again and I am sinking into a cerulean sea of nostalgia.
I flinch when you come close.
I lie awake when you fall asleep.
I count the ticking of the clock before I get up and leave.
Its January again, and this bed isnt the same.
These walls arent the same.
This house isnt the same.
Its January again, and your question about love still echoes in the hollow of my chest.
Its January again, and I see it all so clearly now.
Ive only ever been almost enough, havent I?
Enough to keep you warm at night, but not the blanket that youll keep forever.
Enough of a body to curl into, but not enough to tattoo into your heart.
Enough to help you build the walls, but not the one that gets the key inside.
Its January again, and to you, I have only ever been a pitstop.
Its January again, and I just want to come home.
