I wonder if you ever think about the girl you left behind.
By
Updated 7 years ago,June 13, 2018
I really wish I could call you.
Thats all I want to do.
toddler777
Even though you found another me, a better me, I just want to talk to you.
I want to hear your voice.
I want to know that the feelings we felt werent as easily replaceable as it seemed.
So we can compare lives.
We can compare where were at.
We can look at everything that I have and everything you have.
toddler777
And if people were judging on who won, it would be you.
You have someone who loves you while I have a one-bedroom apartment to myself.
You have a family and roots while I have wanderlust and a gypsy lifestyle.
You go to bed with the same person every night while I still wake up sometimes with different people.
Our friends forget that if theres one name they shouldnt mention, its yours.
And they tell me things.
Things about how youre doing.
If the love that you found all those years ago is still as fulfilling as the day you left.
But Im no longer that girl.
Ive learned the harsh realities of how feelings really can fuck you over.
How sometimes being in love with someone doesnt mean that they love you back.
That even though you want to control your emotions and move on that love isnt logical.
It isnt a puzzle you might just solve and thats it.
And everything is fine.
Because if it was then maybe Id be just as happy with someone new of my own.
Id have a family.
I wouldnt have the itchy feeling in my feet every time something started to feel more and more permanent.
If someone started to feel too permanent.
But then I remember everything Ive done.
I remember how happy you were not going anywhere and how much that drove me crazy.
That heartbreak has led me to do things I wouldnt have done if I was still with you.
It might sound crazy but Im happy youre happy.
Im happy that you met someone who gives you everything I couldnt.
Because she did give you everything I couldnt.
I was never meant to be your forever and neither were you mine.
We were in each others lives temporarily to realize that the feelings we had with each other exist.
But that we can find them with other people.
That we can love fully and hard without fear of losing.
When I lost you I thought I lost everything.
I thought that I was going to be one of those people who stopped trying.
I thought that there was no way that my heart was going to heal.
And even though it stings a bit when I hear your name.
Or maybe I feel nostalgic for the great times.
I know that we were meant to be on the separate paths were on now.
And I love you for everything youve done for me.
You taught me what it was like to love and lose.
But mostly you taught me how to feel things Ive would have never learned how to without you.
