Absolutely, but the fear persisted nonetheless and has followed me into adult life.
Sometimes, living feels more like running.
And Im only now trying to catch my breath.
Néo Rioux
One of the biggest things I have always felt I was missing out on was love.
A chest to lay my head on after a particularly grueling day of this whole human being thing.
Someone to laugh with, to support.My person, I guess you could say.
Ive tried dating apps.
Ive shot my shot with men Ive met in person prior and liked.
But its all never worked out in my favor.
Love always seems to slip through my fingers, no matter how close I seemingly get.
And yet I still hold out hope.
And Im starting to become okay with that.
Or a lot longer.
The reason why is that Id rather be alone than settle with the wrong person.
Listen to your instincts, and dont ignore your mind or your heart.
These entities will near steer you wrong if you truly listen.
Its the noise of others that usually will lead you astray.
The truth is Ive lived so many lives and been so many different people.
Ive loved, lost, and gained.
Ive learned lessons the hard way and have been pleasantly surprised more times than I can count.
I will welcome it.
And until love arrives, Ill grow alone.
I will plant my roots here, in my own veins, and learn to call myself home.
I will become someone who knows she is worthy of love, belonging, and care.
I will settle for nothing less.
I will not be afraid of my own shadow, I will instead learn to walk with it.
I will hold everything I am without shame, without fear.
But most importantly, I will understand that everyone I never got was on purpose.
They were not meant for me.
Those dates I went on and enjoyed were maybe just for that night.
Those embraces were only meant for that moment.
Some people only enter our atmosphere as lessons.
Or perhaps they show us a song that will long after be one of our favorite tunes.
Or a book that becomes the cornerstone of our own life philosophy.
Maybe a movie that shakes us to our core.
And in a way, thats kind of beautiful, dont you agree?
So, yes, love is taking longer to find me.
And for the first time in forever, I am more than okay with that.
