Here’s what it’s like to be in a relationship with someone who suffers from chronic migraines.
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Updated 1 year ago,January 23, 2024
I get it now.
It was four magic words said to me by my then-boyfriend.
Wed been living together for only a few weeks before I had a massive level-10 migraine.
I looked like death.
I felt like it, too.
Me, a person who normally withstands pain like a cold, unmoving statue.
Now sobbing into our comforter.
Hed never seen it before.
Up until this point, hed only heard about my migraines through my own descriptions.
When we first started dating, I was feeling particularly terrible and had to cancel plans.
Im sick, I said, feeling like a corpse.
Oh, whats wrong?
he asked with concern.
I have a migraine.
I could barely get the words out, I was so far down the migraine hole.
All communication skills were washed away when the dam broke.
Oh…thats a weird way to describe it.
He didnt understand why Id use that word.
Why Id describe it in the same way that youd say you had a cold or the flu.
To him, it was probably just a fancy way to say I had a headache.
I let that one go at the time.
I didnt have much energy to explain when most of my brain was so focused on the pain.
But now, freshly moved in together, he could see the sickness in my face.
All the light and happiness had drained from my eyes.
I was breathing heavily, sobbing.
I was nauseous, sensitive to light and sound.
Even to the untrained eye, it was clear this wasnt just a headache.
And unfortunately, it was routine.
While this was my first level-10 migraine while living together, it certainly wouldnt be the last.
He saw me that day, and he finally knew.
Not just that day, but every canceled plan after.
Every time my world crashed to a halt thanks to a neurological disorder I had no control over.
Thats what it was like to be with someone who understood and cared about what I was going through.
Its hard to find people who truly understand the struggle if they havent experienced migraines themselves.
Even family might not get it.
But finding a partner who understands is to be truly seen.
He set the precedent.
Hes the ruler I measure all present and future romantic prospects by.
As someone with a chronic illness, I cant accept anything less than a loving and accepting partner.
And neither should you.
