It doesnt just come in waves it comes in tsunamis that never seems to let me catch my breath.
By
Updated 8 years ago,June 14, 2017
I didnt miss you at first.
At first, it was easy.
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We parted ways and it hurt but when something is over you just feel it in your bones.
There was no denying an ending was coming our way even when both of us were denying it.
We wanted to spare each others feelings but holding onto something that isnt there hurts more than letting go.
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We parted ways with a hug and a kiss.
I drove away smiling.
I was happy we ended on good terms.
In the time we were together and the time I had you with me I was grateful for it.
But with you came a sense of insecurity I couldnt shake.
Like I was bound to say goodbye at some point.
But I never thought that day would actually come.
I never thought youd pull away when I reached for your hand.
I never thought our last kiss would be something I had to try hard to remember.
But days turned into weeks that turned into months and I was forgetting everything.
Like you were just some page in my book that I was supposed to turn so easily.
But there were words I reread and an ending I didnt want to get to.
I thought being fixating upon the past and trying so hard to not forget would change the future.
But all it left me with was a story I didnt like the ending to.
That was when I started to miss you most.
The nights that kept me tossing and turning.
The dreams where you met me in my sleep.
The uncomfort in waking up alone when I remembered what it was like to have you next to me.
Then it began to hurt.
It hurt when people asked how you were and I couldnt tell them the answer.
Because I didnt know.
It hurt getting that plus one invite and assuming Id take you.
So much of who I was, was because of you.
And in everyone, I looked at I looked for you in a desperate attempt to find myself.
And every place I went I was hoping youd be there.
Maybe wed make eye contact.
Maybe youd see me and remember.
I missed having a friend to turn to.
I missed having someone to love.
I missed having someone to talk to.
I miss everything about you.
I miss everything about us.
It doesnt just come in waves it comes in tsunamis that never seems to let me catch my breath.
It feels like Im drowning but if you look at me youd see someone calm.
Youd see someone who looks like they have it all together.
Where every blurry person in a crowded bar looks like you.
Then I wake up the next day with my head throbbing and I realize Im not okay.
And everyone says Ill get over you.
But how do you forget someone who gave you so much to remember?
Maybe Im hanging on to something that is long gone.
Maybe I remember the past better than it was.
And maybe I like knowing at least that I can rely on.
