I don’t want to make things awkward.
I don’t want to end up embarrassing myself somehow.
By
Updated 8 years ago,August 18, 2017
Myanxietystops me from going after what I want.
Unsplash / Ivan Dodig
It convinces me to stay in my own lane.
It doesnt matter how big or small that thing may be.
I might be afraid to ask an Uber driver to turn down the AC in the car.
I dont want to make things awkward.
I dont want to end up embarrassing myself somehow.
It doesnt matter if Im asking for a favor face-to-face, over text, or over an email.
Unsplash / Ivan Dodig
The second I hit thesendbutton, my heart thumps hard.
My hands shake from wrists to fingertips.
I have to fight the urge to vomit from the nerves.
So instead of going after what I want, I do the easy thing.
I do the comfortable thing.
Myanxietymakes me settle for less than I deserve in relationships.
In my family life.
I would never stick up for myself.
My anxiety makes me look like a pushover.
It makes it seem like Im okay with the poor treatment I receive.
I never give orders.
I ask people so politely that they think its an option.
They think its okay if they tell menowhen I was really trying to demand ayes.
Myanxietymakes me settle for a mediocre life even though I want so much more than that.
I want to be able to stand up for myself.
To fight for what I deserve.
To make other people see that Im worth their time and effort.
I want to move forward in life, but my anxiety holds me in place.
It tricks me into believing that I have no value.
It tells me to avoid asking out that boy, because he probably doesnt like me anyway.
My anxiety has mind washed me into settling for less than I deserve.
Into believing this is the best its ever going to get.
