I don’t want to put myself out there.
I don’t want to ask for phone numbers or send the first text.
I don’t want to meet up for drinks.
Zachary Tan
Silence makes me uncomfortable so I jump to fill in the gap.
Its not that I dont care about the story they have to tell.
I just get lost in my head, preoccupied with how I should respond.
Most of the time, people dont even bother to approach me.
I make myself look unsocial, unfriendly, unapproachable.
But at the end of the day, I will be upset about how I went hours without socializing.
It doesnt make any sense.
I want more friends but I dont want to do any of the things required to make friends.
I dont want to put myself out there.
I dont want to ask for phone numbers or send the first text.
I dont want to meet up for drinks.
I dont want to get stuck in conversation.
My anxiety makes the moments that are supposed to befunfeel like torture.
I dread parties and sleepovers and long car rides where someone else is driving.
I have trouble getting comfortable anywhere other than my own bedroom.
My anxiety wouldnt be the worst thing in the world if it only occurred around strangers.
But it happens around everyone, even people I consider close friends.
It makes me look awkward in front of them.
It makes me look insecure.
It makes me look like I want nothing to do with them.
I hate the way my anxiety makes me come across as angry and unapproachable.
Im trying my best to fight against my anxiety, but it keeps ruining friendships.
It keeps pushing me away from people who actually show interest in getting to know me better.
