Like, can you like write me a letter before you leave?
To which he responded, and Ill never forget, Can I just do it my way?
Supposedly, he was already going to write me a letter once he flew back home.
Cameron Stow
You know, once it hit him.
Once we were really gone from each other.
I already knew that would never happen though.
(Are you cringing even more?)
Id like to say it was a quiet moment.
But, in retrospect, the mood was heavy.
I was hysterically crying.
Our relationship began through words, by the way.
By him reaching out to me for help and me reaching back out to him with a desire to.
The short of it is, I met my now ex-boyfriend because he wrote into my advice column.
I know, I know.
I had no control over myself.
My point was, the reason I wanted that letter is because I felt so alone.
You know, I tend to believe thats the reason we cry uncontrollably when we do, too.
I was choosing to let us loose each other.
Which is to say, I was choosing to let us choose other people to love in the future.
And that is never easy.
Sure, we were breaking up but I didnt want to replace him.
If Im a romantic, this is the romantic in me.
I never want to forget anyone and I never wish to replace anyone either.
Well, for starters, I hate that concept.
Again, moving on is not my objective.
Getting over anyone is not my objective.
You know, I had forgotten what a big part of the breakup process this is.
That part of prevailing in the face of loss is withstanding your ex-partners process for healing.
The challenge becomes enduring what you would never ask someone else to endure.
This is the moment to Breakupward, my friends.
It also was asking him to not be in the moment with me.
And I felt that instantly.
So, I apologized.
And I apologized, specifically, for trying to control his experience.
When he left the room, I immediately reached for my phone and I texted two friends.
Now these werent friends that were just waiting in the bleachers, ready to pounce to my rescue.
No, I had to ask for what I needed.
[Insert boyfriends name] is leaving in the morning and were breaking up and Im a total wreck.
I can totally stop by Thursday around 8!
This gave me instant relief.
[Insert boyfriends name] is leaving in the morning and were breaking up and I feel totally destroyed.
Response: Of course.
Tomorrow Im all yours.
Me: Im so sad.
I cant stop crying.
Response: But I felt like this was something you wanted last we spoke.
Me: I know and I have been talking about it.
I feel so alone even here with him now.
Response: take a stab at make your time with him meaningful and kind.
Hell be gone tomorrow so this is fleeting time.
Its in your power to bring some warmth to it.
Im sure its a difficult moment but if anyone can diffuse it with love, its you.
Thats all I needed.
I did do better.
I literally bow to him for prioritizing that and making that happen for me.
This, of course, is only the tip of the iceberg.
But, I think its the perfect place to begin in the healing journey.
In the midst of grief, the choices I made as soon as possible have been a game changer.
Here is my advice to you or anyone you know that is in the midst of heartbreak:
1.
Be receptive to instruction.
You have to ask people to show up for you.
)and I invited them to make a plan to see each other.
With one friend, she came over and then we headed out into the world and talked over drinks.
And guess what, I believed her.
And that made a beautiful difference on my night.
