I no longer wanted you.
I no longer needed you.
Even if it wasnt you being referenced, those syllables, in that order, stole my breath away.
Matheus Ferrero
At first, I couldnt breathe because of the pain.
Then, I couldnt breathe because of the longing.
Then, it was the anger.
Matheus Ferrero
Then, the denial.
Then, the realization that this was done.
You would never be anything more than a fleeting presence in my life.
I realized that I no longer looked to bring you up in conversation.
I no longer dreamt of you.
I no longer replayed our moments in my mind and questioned what I could have said or done differently.
I no longer hated you.
And I no longer suffocated because of you.
I was breathing and I wasfine.Better than fine.
You moved on swiftly and coldly and implanted the idea that it was all in my head.
As if you enjoyed being the monster under my bed.
You didnt want me but you wanted what I had to give and you didnt want to relinquish that.
And so I suffocated.
But somewhere along the way I think you stopped needing my oxygen.
I think you grew up.
I think you found the happiness you sought.
Youre too proud to die on your sword; too cowardly.
Instead, you moved on and left me behind.
And it was deafening.
The happier you became, the less you needed my oxygen to survive.
And the less I heard from you, the more I heard from myself.
I reconciled what was real and what wasnt.
I realized I should have stepped in and saved myself earlier.
I should have cut off your supply before it got too far.
Its okay, though.
I needed to suffocate to appreciate breathing.
I needed to know what that was like to understand I would never stand for it again.
I would never accept that again.
I am not someones oxygen; they cannot take what is mine.
You stopped needing me to breathe.
So, thank you.
Thank you for giving me back my oxygen.
I can breathe now.
