Today I will do everything I am told I shouldnt.
I will quit a full-time job with benefits, healthcare, a 401k.
By
Updated 8 years ago,August 8, 2017
Its 3:56 in the morning.
Olly Joy
I have been awake since two, because Im tired of sleeping.
Im waiting to accumulate evidence to support my haphazard belief that I am actually capable of being happy.
Im tired of that passive bullshit.
Im tired of being asleep in my own life.
Im tired of smart and responsible.
Today I will do everything I am told I shouldnt.
Olly Joy
I will quit a full-time job with benefits, healthcare, a 401k.
I will quit a job with a promising and lucrative future.
I will quit a job that others have convinced me is worth it.
And all I see is darkness.
I do not want the life that the others lead.
So why am I making the effort to mimic and mirror their path?
Why do I stay and allow myself to feel small, worthless, and hopeless?
Why am I wasting another minute pursuing a dream with a ceiling?
A dream imposed on me by parents, standards, society, peers.
A self-imposed dream because I am too afraid that I am not worthy of bigger and better.
I cannot be small anymore.
I cannot play small.
I can feel the exterior of my self-imposed shell cracking at every major joint in my body.
I can feel the physical cage of my soul begging to fall apart.
This transformation may look like destruction.
It may look and feel like a breakdown.
Saying Who do you think you are?
To think the rules dont apply to you?
Feeling like I am ready to crash and burn.
And ready to rise.
I am ready to be awake.
Im blowing up the maze.
Im climbing over the walls.
Im not wasting another moment asleep at the wheel because its the safe thing to do.
I cannot be passive or docile.
I am not comfortable with small.
I have everything I need already inside me.
I just need to wake up to it.
