But I couldn’t keep waiting, wishing and hoping while compromising my self-respect.
By
Updated 8 years ago,June 1, 2017
I dont know when one day will be.
But its a day I both look forward to and regret.
God and Man
Because on that day Ill be over you.
I wont want you the way Ive wanted you for so long.
I wont pine after you the way I have.
God and Man
You wont be every thought that consumes me in a busy day.
I will have moved on.
And youll be just another story in the past.
And when we cross paths, itll hurt me to say, hes someone I used to know.
Because you are so much more than that.
You were someone I wanted so badly to be the love of my life.
But for some reason everything I gave, everything I invested fell short.
And I was left looking at my reflection like it was me that wasnt good enough.
But I swore you were.
I would have banked on it.
I let love blind my judgement as I invested time and emotions into someone who couldnt meet me halfway.
But one day youre going to wish you did.
One day youll see me with someone else laughing and smiling the way I used to with you.
The only difference is that someone else probably doesnt make me cry myself to sleep at night.
Maybe I wont see you as you watch me across the room.
Maybe well bump into each other and initially my heart will race as our eyes meet.
Ill wonder if you’re free to still read me the way you used to.
Ill stand there guilty as feelings come rushing back without any control.
But I wont say I miss you.
I wont tell you I love you.
Instead Ill introduce you to the person next to me.
And there will be a moment where it hits you that could have been you.
It should have been you.
But the maybes and the one days and the confusion wasnt getting me the relationship I needed.
And there wasnt a enough love I could give you to make up for what you lacked.
Youll look at me and even standing in front of you, youll miss me.
Youll realize what I must have felt so many times before.
But more than missing me, youll miss the little things.
Youll miss the conversations that only continued when you wanted it to.
Youll miss only talking about you.
Youll miss the attention and knowing with confidence someone cared even when you couldnt reciprocate it.
Youll miss the calls you used to ignore.
Then text back when you felt like.
Youll miss the pictures I used to send.
Sharing in every good moment.
Youll miss being the first to know when something good happened.
Youll miss hearing about the bad stuff too.
Being the shoulder I leaned on sometimes when I needed it.
Youll miss being needed and wanted and loved.
Youll miss the things I used to tag you in.
The messages I used to send.
The kind words that made you smile when you were busy even when you didnt say anything back.
Youll miss the snaps I answered too quickly.
And youll wonder why I havent looked at your story first.
Youll wonder why I didnt care to look at all.
Youll wonder where I am and who Im with.
And youll think about texting me but you wont.
The what-ifs will creep up late at night.
Just as they did me.
And just as I tossed and turned and wondered about you, youll do the same.
Maybe Ill meet you in dreams that haunt you.
Maybe then youll realize.
Maybe youre just wondering if I still care.
I think no matter how much time passes youre someone Ill always care for and love deeply.
But I couldnt keep waiting for you to love me back.
I played every best card I had trying to get you to love me.
What I realized was it wasnt supposed to be that hard.
But there was no doubt I loved you.
Sometimes you have to lose something you realize what you had.
I know love well enough that once it starts hurting its not the right love anymore.
And walking away took everything in me.
Because getting over you was the hardest thing I ever had to do.
Because just as there are moments you miss me.
There are moments you look for me in everyone else.
I do that to.
And I might be smiling and holding someone elses hand.
But there are times I wish it was you.
But I couldnt keep waiting, wishing and hoping while compromising my self-respect.
I had to walk away.
I had to stop trying.
