This time felt extra painful, though.
He laughed with me, not at me.
He treated me with respect.
cottonbro
In short, he was justnice.
I truly thought I had no hope for better.
In my mind, the bare minimum would be all Id ever have a chance of receiving.
This is all I thought I deserved, and asking for more would be asking for way too much.
This mindset was as stubborn as it was insidious.
Until recently, Id go into dates assuming theyd turn into ghosts.
And when they often did, I refused to let myself feel sad.
This is modern dating after all.
But in my mind, theyd probably haunt me in the end, too.
Pain and love were one-in-the-same for me.
It completely altered the way I feel about myself.
The truth is this: I deserve kindness.
In fact, I will settle for nothing less than someone who is.
I will let love in and show indifference and disrespect the door.
I refuse to settle and be another mans almost.
I am not a drive-by.
I am the damn destination.
I no longer feel this way, though.
Instead, I feel grateful that my heart once made space for him in that way.
I fell for him for other reasons than his good heart.
Nice was a baseline, he just showed me how important it was.
In the end, we were just mismatched love.
I will check in with myself when dating someone seriously and ensure they are treating me with loving compassion.
If not, I know what I need to do.
For people like us, finding beauty and joy within our veins is a victory like nothing else.
In this newfound love affair with myself, I vow to never settle for the bare minimum again.
Any man I end up withwillbe nice to me or he will be nothing to me at all.
It took me quite a while to reach this place.
The trek to this mindset was long and hard but I made it and Im so glad I did.
Your partner should be nice to you.
Its just a matter of time.
