Life can be so lonely…it can be so hard.
The photo reflected someone happy, someone content, someone who appeared to be in a good mood.
Someone who appeared to be okay.
Thought.is
Why did I do this?
The photo was supposed to make me feel better, more secure.
Yet it had done the complete opposite.
Negative self talk flooded my mind, and my thoughts only spiraled downwards from there.
All because of a photo.
One tiny instance in time.
Something that wouldnt matter the next day, or even the next hour.
Yet, I didnt tell anyone.
I didnt talk about it.
I didnt share how I was feeling.
I just left the photo up, and drowned in my own anxieties.
Life can be so lonely…it can be so hard.
And we dont talk about it enough.
We think it is all in our heads, and that we are the only ones experiencing these thoughts.
We think we are the only ones who feel this alone.
So we dont tell others that we are having a hard time out of fear that they wont understand.
Or out of fear that they will look down on us.
So instead, we stay safe by bottling all of the feelings up.
We keep them hidden below the surface, and push them down as deep as we possibly can.
We think that hiding our feelings is brave.
That living a picture perfect life is the solution.
And we tell everyone that everythings fine, even when it isnt.
We are genuinely happy.
We are truly excited.
We are laughing, a real laugh.
We are who we appear to be.
We are who they think we are.
The funny, happy girl.
The girl who has it all together.
But other times, we are putting on a false front.
But really, we are smiling back tears.
We are on the edge of a nervous breakdown.
We have no idea what we are doing with life.
And we feel like we are about to fall apart.
And the worst part is, we dont know why.
Yet still, we dont tell anyone.
We keep our dark side a secret.
We feel unsupported and alone.
We feel insecure and uncomfortable in our bodies.
We cant seem to complete what feels so ruthlessly incomplete.
No matter what we do, something is missing.
So much of life happens at surface level.
So much of life happens in the shallow water, where things are easy and topical.
Where life is simple and fun, and shiny and perfect.
Yet, so many of us do not feel perfect or simple.
So many of us do not feel even okay.
And we hide behind social media.
We hide behind snapchat filters and surface level texts.
But what we need more of is connection.
We need deep water conversations.
We need to talk about how we are actually feeling, and what we need most out of life.
We need to talk about our lowest moments, and our most isolating, lonely thoughts.
We need to feel like someone else out there understands us.
And most of all, we need to feel like we are not alone in this.
Because none of us are alone.
Not me, and not you.
Im not the only person who has posted a photo on Instagram to make a run at feel better.
Im not the only one who has smiled even when feeling absolutely terrible.
And I wanted to share this because I dont want to keep living in the shallow end.
I dont want to be scared of sharing the hard stuff.
I dont want to be scared of telling people that some days I am not completely okay.
And that this is okay.
And I want you to know, that if you are struggling, its okay to show it.
Its okay to let others know.
Its okay to not cover the bags under your eyes with concealer.
Its okay to cry in public.
Its okay to cancel on plans and spend the day watching Netflix.
Its okay to rest all day.
Its okay to tell your best friend that you are having a really, really hard time.
And as soon as we realize this, things actually do get a little bit better.
Because we arent so alone.
We arent always faking it.
We arent pushing everything deep down beneath the surface.
We arent forcing all of the pain to stay hidden.
And when we dont try so hard to hide everything, life becomes a little bit easier.
We dont feel like we could explode at any moment.
We dont feel so trapped in our own bodies.
And we dont feel alone.
I want you to know that the right people are not going to be scared away by your pain.
I want you to know that its okay to feel bad.
And that its okay to let others know when you are feeling bad.
