Don’t ever say goodbye to that kind of love.
Because love as it turns out, is rare.
So don’t ever let it go if it comes your way, yo don’t.
Rowan Chestnut
Of course, I knew what she was going to say.
I knew she was going to laugh and say, Well of course, Lauren!
I know the answer is always going to beyes.
The answer is always going beof course.
Its always going to bedont be silly.Just be patient.
Just keep on waiting and doing what youre doing.
Rowan Chestnut
Just keep your head up, girl.
Itll happen when its supposed to.
I know Im only 24.
I know Im only 24.
Ive only been to California once.
Ive lived in the same house since I was born.
Ive never even danced on top of a table yet or had a one night stand.
But that doesnt change the fact that Ive only fallen in love once.
That doesnt change the fact that Ive been single for almost three years.
That doesnt change the fact that every guy I have talked to lately has turned into a ghost.
That doesnt change the fact that a part of me has lost hope.
Maybe its dramatic of me.
Maybe its a bit much.
A bit too much, to just give up now.
To just lose all hope.
But Ive grown so used to giving on people.
Ive gotten so emotionally prepared for love to turn to dust.
Ive gotten so good and not caring when people push me aside, because its happened so much.
Ive stopped being so surprised.
Ive stopped crying when people leave me behind.
Because I expect it.
I dont freak out when guys tell me that they are interested in someone else.
I dont cry myself to sleep when my crush tells me its done.
I dont bat an eye when a date cancels.
I dont gasp when I smile at someone who doesnt smile back.
I dont even get angry anymore.
Because Im numb to it now.
Im numb to the rejection and the ghosting.
I want to wake up one day and be filled with optimism.
I so much want to see the glass half full.
I so want to be like them.
When I was 17, I was one of those optimists.
I was one of those cheery, bubbly glasses of champagne, always full of hope.
I never looked at love as something that would never happen to me.
I never looked at love with skepticism.
I never doubted the power it could have on two hearts.
I never doubted its strength.
But now, 7 years later, I look at it with a cold, glaring gaze.
I look at it with no light in my eyes.
I look at it and I dont see a future.
I dont know when its going to happen, or if it ever will.
I keep swiping and swiping and sipping on drinks that guys buy me, and I dont feel anything.
I keep on dancing and chatting and making small talk, but I never feel any different.
No matter who it is.
I wish I could tell you that love will come knocking.
I wish I could promise you that you will find true love tomorrow.
I dont know when its going to happen to me or you.
I dont know when its going to come walking or running by.
I cant guarantee you that it will come your way.
I cant pinky swear to you that you will find love that wont ever leave.
I wish I could tell myself and tell you that it will all work out.
To not worry so much.
To not overthink it.
And that love will be kind to you.
Dont ever say goodbye to that kind of love.
Because love as it turns out, is rare.
So dont ever let it go if it comes your way, kindly dont.
I know I deserve it.
I know that I am capable of it.
I know that I am lovable.
And I know you are too.
I know you deserve your heart to be held tightly and adoringly.
I know you deserve to be loved in the entirety of your being.
So for now, Ill just wait.
Like they all tell me to do.
Ill just wait and bow my head down, patiently waiting for someone to change my mind.
And knowing that, if I ever find it again, I wont ever say goodbye.
