I hate every cliche that exists about forgiveness.
Ive read every blog post about letting go of anger.
Ive written down Buddha quotes and stuck them on post-its to my wall.
Shifaaz Shamoon
I know that no part of it is simple.
I know the adages are tired.
I know the gap between Deciding to forgive and actually feeling peace can seem entirely unbridgeable.
Forgiveness is a vast, un-traversable land for those of us who crave justice.
The very thought of letting someone walk away scot-free from what theyve done makes us sick.
We dont want to simply wipe our hands clean.
We want to transfer the blood onto to theirs.
We want to see the scores evened and the playing field leveled.
We want them to bear the weight of what theyve done, not us.
Forgiveness seems like the ultimate betrayal of yourself.
You dont want to give up the fight for justice after what has happened to you.
The anger is burning inside you and pumping toxicity throughout your system.
You know that, but you cant let it go.
The anger is as inseparable a part of you as your heart or mind or lungs.
I know the feeling.
I know the second heartbeat that is fury.
But heres the thing about anger: its an instrumental emotion.
We stay angry because we want justice.
Because we think its useful.
Because we assume that the angrier we are, the more change we will be capable of incurring.
Anger doesnt realize that the past is over and the damage has been done.
It tells you that vengeance will fix things.
Its on the pursuit of justice.
Except the justice we want isnt always realistic.
The truth about anger is that its nothing more than the refusal to heal, because youre scared to.
You want your old skin back.
And so anger tells you to keep that wound bleeding.
When youre seething, forgiveness seems impossible.
We want to be capable of it, because intellectually we know its the healthiest choice to make.
We want the peace forgiveness offers.
We want the release.
Because heres what they all fail to tell you about forgiveness: Its not going to fix anything.
Its not an eraser that will wipe away the pain of whats happened to you.
It does not undo the pain that youve been living with and grant you immediate peace.
Finding peace is a long, uphill battle.
Forgiveness is just what you take to stay hydrated along the way.
Forgiveness means giving uphope for a different past.
Its accepting that theres no magic solution to the damage thats been caused.
And no amount of anger is going to reconstruct that city.
You have to do it yourself.
Forgiveness means accepting responsibility not for causing the destruction, but for cleaning it up.
Its the decision that restoring your own peace is finally a bigger priority than disrupting someone elses.
Forgiveness doesnt mean you have to make amends with who hurt you.
It doesnt mean befriending them, sympathizing with them or validating what they have done to you.
It just means accepting that theyve left a mark on you.
And that for better or for worse, that mark is now your burden to bear.
It means youre done waiting for the person who broke you to come put you back together.
Its the decision to move forward with scars.
Forgiveness isnt about letting injustice reign.
Its about creating your own justice, your own karma and your own destiny.
It means walking bravely into the future, with every scar and callous youve incurred along the way.
Forgiveness means saying that youre not going to let what happened to you define you any longer.
Forgiveness doesnt mean that you are giving up all of your power.
Forgiveness means youre finally ready to take it back.
