If I had a time machine would I go back in time?
Its ok to feel regret sometimes.
This is the cliche answer.
Thomas Kelley
If anything had been different I wouldnt be who I am today.
If I wanted to, I could put an !
at the end of that sentence.
Like what I am today is so great Id never want to change it.
I wish I couldve done some things differently in the past and still be the person I am today.
Life is pretty hard and complex.
Thomas Kelley
And our brains arent smart enough to figure it all out.
Even the best baseball player in the world bats only 30%.
And Im mediocre at best.
I wish I had spent more time with my kids.
Sure, I spend quality time with them now.
I wish for 15 years or so I wasnt so focused on money.
I only realized in the past few years that theres two feelings in the body
CHEST.
This is where my anxiety and stress seem to live.
For 20 years I lived in a world of all stress.
Now I wake up every morning a little bit nauseous.
After all these years of just doing things that hurt in the gut.
I probably should see a doctor.
Everyone tells me I should.
But I havent gone to a doctor in 31 years so why should I now?
I began my career in my 20s doing things that were really creative that I loved.
I was trying to write a novel.
I was trying to do a TV show.
I was always around people I loved so much.
And I spent time with them because I loved them and not because I wanted anything else.
I wish I had stuck with that.
I got sidetracked by starting an Internet business.
I made money doing that but I wasnt cut out for that life and I was miserable.
I was starting to get good at creative things.
Now, in my 40s, Im trying to catch up.
Its never too late, of course.
But this isnt about too late.
When I first made some money I became a bit arrogant.
A bit is an understatement.
I started investing in all of these horrible companies and real estate and having horrible friends and horrible horrible.
Its the double-horrible that finally kills you.
If I were humble and just went back to what I loved, I bet Id be happier.
I would have said, Im too stupid for this and just got back to the things I loved.
I couldnt say no to people.
I still have a hard time with that.
There would be a few days of confrontation and then life would move on.
Ive gotten into a lot of bad situations because I didnt say no.
Heres two cases where I should have said no more often:
When someone treats me bad.
When I dont want to do something but I feel bad about hurting someone.
And sure, Ill add a third: when its not a hell, yeah!
I should say no.
Im better at doing this now.
I thumb through it like I would a deck of cards with pretty pictures.
I would have held my daughters hand when she came home from school.
And I would have taken her for a walk around town.
And she wouldve told me about her day.
And I would ask her lots of questions.
Id listen while she talked and talked.
She would tell me everything.
Even if I had to make it up.
