The stressing is tied to a fear of losing the guy, and what that will mean to her.
When you stop stressing out over the relationship, you are free to really be in the relationship.
You wont feel a need to control anything.
Elise Wilcox
it’s possible for you to just be, and there is no greater feeling than that.
But how do we do it?
When you care too much, you inevitably become attached to a certain outcome.
You invest mental energy in making sure things go a certain way.
And if they dont, then you suffer on many levels.
I have been guilty of stressing over past relationships.
It was always the same pattern.
From then on, the relationship was no longer enjoyable.
Every interaction and conversation became a test to see exactly where he stood and how he felt.
Anyone who has dated long enough knows exactly what Im talking about.
Like it will somehow lead us to a place of confidence and clarity.
It will lead you in the opposite direction and cause you to feel even more uncertain and insecure.
See a Relationship for What It Is
Lets talk about what a relationship is and isnt.
Well start with what it isnt.
A relationship isnt a measure of your worth or worthiness in this world.
It is not there to serve you and give you things like happiness and self-esteem.
It is not there to make you feel good about life and about yourself.
It isnt something you work to acquire.
It is not a goal to achieve.
A relationship is an experience to be had and shared.
No amount of plotting or analyzing will change whether you and someone else are compatible.
You either are or you arent.
The dating process is more of a discovery process to find out if its there.
It doesnt mean youre flawed or damaged or bad or unlovable.
It just wasnt a match.
Sometimes youll be able to see this, and sometimes the other person will have that clarity.
Either way, if it doesnt work, its because it wasnt the right fit.
If you could realize this, really realize it, then there will be absolutely nothing to stress over.
For example, lets say you start seeing a new guy and things are going great.
You talk regularly, go on fun dates, it seems to be going really well.
But then you dont hear from him for a day or two and immediately hit the panic button.
And then the devastation starts to creep in, followed by the doubts.
What did I do wrong?Was it something I said?
Something I did?Why do the guys I like always leave me?
And just when the agony is at its peak, he calls or texts!
And everything is fine!
Youre relieved, but at the same time, you are so in it now.
Rather than reflexively panicking when something seems amiss, set a deadline.
This also works if youre in a more established relationship.
Lets say you dont see your partner as often as youd like.
Maybe youd like to go on dates more regularly or see him a few times during the week.
Instead of getting angry about it, just give yourself a deadline.
Until then, Im going to enjoy the relationship and not let this bother me.
This little exercise will help you train your mind to stay calm and avoid spinning into a frenzy.
Im telling you, it really works.
You fixate on an imagined future and worry about how and if youll get there with him.
Instead, just be present.
Be right here, right now.
Dont size him up and look for signs that hes the one and this is it.
Dont scan him to determine how he feels and if he likes you.
Just enjoy it for what it is and let the process unfold organically.
You cant connect with someone who isnt there with you in that present moment.
The concern and worry and doubt feels like its serving a purpose, but its not!
Its actually taking you further away from where you want to be.
A relationship is whats in front of you, thats it!
The best way to fix this is to give a shot to just be present.
As a result, a lot of us measure our worth by our relationship status.
Remember, only you could determine your own worth.
You set the standard for how valuable you are.
You do this by living a rich, fulfilling life filled with things you love.
This is how self-esteem is built.
How will you go on?
Remember: youll be fine!
You were fine before you met him and youll be fine if he decides to leave.
